Hell's Fire!

Dancing up on 5th avenue.
Feeling as though the weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
And that you're a free woman once again!

Hell yeah baby!
Thats exactly how i am feeling now.
Okay. So i might be bummed that i might have failed a couple of subjects
but hell with it. i have a ten day break
and im gonna use it to the fullest extent :)

I'm Happy
and
I intend to Remain Happy
:)

______________


edit: and beneath the crystal stars i'll catch you!

listening to: Paramore - Pressure

feeling: excited

As Heaven Pulls Us Through <3

Pledge Of Elegance

I feel like taking a knife and stabbing it through your heart
Hatred is a strong word, yet the most suitable.
The way you look at me, with your big brown eyes trying to be cute. It doesnt work
As charming and tantalizing as you may seem, your hidden layers are far more decieving.
With untold lies
and
hidden wishes
I wish you would have just forgotten me
You held me so close, yet I felt so far.
Why didn't i see you from a distance?
Why did i have to get close to you?
Forget it,
Forget it all!
Your gone, and i'm just your vague memory
No matter how many times i may tell myself that
I still stumble upon the thought of you.
I mutter your name with bitterness as i let off yet another memory of you.
Through all the disputes, vulgaraties, name calling, offensive lines, wordy sentences, and trial periods.
What did you get out of it?
Satisfaction of yet another body part?
The full dose of my inner strength poured out on the table with guilt which sensed up a big spy on me?
Ignorance is no bliss when it comes to you.
Your the apple of my eye.
the truth among most lies.
the benefit of the doubt
yet
so
painfully disgusting to just take a look at you.
If i pretended that nothing went wrong
and went on with life as though tomorrow would be a better day
i wouldn't be a real person.


I am done living my life based on you and your life schedule.
I hate waiting around for you.
An occasional visitor that would pretend to care.
Why do you take so much initiative in actually talking to me occasionally?
i rather not have you in my life, then have you around when you need me.
Distance is our thing.
I dont love him.
Not anymore
I did
Once upon a time
With all my life.
Yet, he never knew.
And that's why i'm moving on.
Getting on with my life.
With no regrets.

I'm not going to be the person for you anymore
I'm not gonna be your occasional guest
Neither your dirty slut
Neither your provider.
I'm done.
With all
And for good this time!
I want to put away all thoughts of you.
And stop writing about you altogether.
So.
Leave.
Walk Away.
Never look back.
With regret.
For i.
Will never.
Come back.
To you.
No matter.
How hard.
You try.
Cause.
We're done.
Cept, i'm leaving.
And you would never know!!
__________________________________________

edit: There is a life under the lies!

listening to: Shakira - La Tortura

feeling: sucky!

Would smile a little smile for me <3

High

The Nicotine from last night is still engraved in me.
The smell of Whiskey stir lingers upon my finger.
As i switched on the shower.
Everything was washed away
Memories of you, drunken nights, strolls along the beach, shorefront vissions.

All, just gone.

By the touch of water.
I gasped as i saw the note from you.
The crisp envelope, the beautifully colored paper, and the handwritting of a goddess.
How were you so perfect, yet so sinful?
How did i not see this coming?
How in the world did i pick you over nicotine?
Well you're gone.
Vanished. Disappeared. Ka poof

And just like that i slipped into my old self.
The sexual cravings of yet another, late nights, nicotine 101, and best of all freedom.
I knew that you were gone and never to return.
The bed is so empty, yet so full to me.
How do i miss you in that disgusting way?
How do i long for your touch?
How do i even find myself thinking about you?

Not inspired by anything, but you!

The wishful difference you could have made.
The aura you brought along with your personality.

Flashbacks of the past.
Your not the one remembering all the afternoons in the rain.
The bloody fights which left the apartment in a mess.
The uplifting moments when you held me close and told me all the things i wanted to hear.
Nights i waited just to see your face
The glimpses of you and me on the bed.
Never ending kisses

Your not the one waiting for a rainbow on the other end of the street after the storm
Feeling empty with nothing to catch hold of.
I wish you fell for me
And watched me with puppy dog eyes just wishing i would love you
I wish it was you that got hurt
I wish it was me that left.

The past is written, the memories have left.
I guess its another night of nicotine & alcohol as comforting friends.
Living two lives is a little weird.
Yet you found a way to live & deal with both.
You let me into the bright sunny world where cliche's came true.
The faithful stories of you being perfect.
A world where i was welcome too.

__________________________________

It has no meaning,really!

edit: just breath

listening to: anna nalick - breath

feeling: abrupt!

Maybe you were more than perfect? <3

Mystical

Toby's ulterior motive right now is to get me stoned. or high. or whatever it is. basically me passing out because of

(exhaustion + getting high + stress + sleepless nights = toby's plan!)

and i have successfully found yet another excuse to party! ryan's back :D
poor guy
i havent given him much credit for all the things he's been doing. but oh well. he's still worthy of every penny. and ladies. he's so available. and totally needed. not by me.

its been 13 days, 22 hours and 15 minutes
and it will be another 5 days, 13 hours and 32 minutes
before i see
you!

I dont know why i care so much. I am yet to be intrigued by your vivid imagination of stumbling into my life.
It's like a stone throw away from perfect, yet you are so careful.
Cautious with your never ending predicments.
Sweet words ; apologies
they've become more meaningless. and i cant do this anymore.

there's never a right time with you
there's never a right moment with you.
yet all i do.
is try to find it.
try to dig deep and search for the very last thing that will make this.

Bacardi and Nicotine has never looked this good.
The way i feel for you tonight, is like a drug, heaved into the depths of my heart, and plunged by a breaking line.
You take my breath away. Even when your not around, you still manage that.
The longevity of wine, and the strength of whiskey is all just a remarkable sign that i'm about to break out.
The shore has swept away the pieces that were never picked up.
And we have brought yet another pile to add to it.
The more and more we bring to the table the larger our appetite gets.
The truffle waiting by the side for dessert is calling out to the appealing senses of a person who loves sweetness in food.
The main meal may be skipped for dessert by some.
Yet most will ditch it for the alco.
Time spent socializing over drinks, and remembering the insecure moments is all we seem to look forward too.
At night, we dance to the slow song playing by the band. Your hand grazes my back as we dance the night away along the banks of Southampton.
You look deeply in my eyes and tell me that you can see yourself with no one else.
I hold my breath, and seize the moment.
And before i know it.
The
Touch and Lips.
I froze. With the drizzle beginning and the night fading, the sunlight sweeps through with danger signs all over.
You spin me around for one last time. And lead me out.
We now walk, at a pace meant for an old couple just out of rehab.
We both look like we need a twelve hour nap before starting the day.
You kiss me quick, before the last chord was played. It was magical.
We broke down the wall, the unbarricaded wall which led to deception. You closed the chapter which started with a new one with the start of us.
I'm done keeping you out of my life.
And as the day went out, you made it more clear that you're hear to stay.
The nicotine addiction is something i crave for. The essence in the smell of it, and as the smell lingers in the room. You will get used to it.
We crossed the line tonight. It being good or bad is a judgemental fact.
I think i've crossed at least ten of those lines tonight just with you alone.
If i could screw you over, i wouldn't.
You made my day.
As you leaned over to kiss the night away, i could just lay still as you embraced me
As you carelessly let your lips feel the shape of my body. and as you could just mount over anything right now. I gradually push you away.
My last kiss with you, my first kiss to eternity. It was special.
Yet wonderful


edit: I'm living it up whether you like it or not

Listening to: michael buble - everything

feeling: sorta okay!

Life is like an hour glass glued to the table <3

Doubt

It's the undeniable thought that doubt does creep in every once in a while. Whose to blame? No one really. You can't help it if you doubt someone.

Julian and i had a massive emo session over rockstar. haha. dont know why but we did. we listened to flippin old tracks. more like old artists. but whatever. i just love spending time with my buddy :) i'm his chickie (fyi). So we listened to Nirvana, some pretty old Goo Goo Dolls songs.. gah! there's so much more. i cant remember. Nirvana was just the best. Cause he sang along to it, with a clown hat on and a comb as a mic. It was priceless. YET, i didn't get a candid. cause him being a guy refuses to take pics unless he looks stunning! he makes me feel better when i feel (fucky) and he makes everything seem okay. he makes fun of me alot. and sometimes its so annoying. but bright side of it all. im always smiling. no matter what.
So after julian and i emo-ed. i went home. ate pizza. felt pms cramps killing me. and i took panadols and tried to sleep. and it didnt work

I'll be fine. I'll be great. I'll do well. I'll move on.
Thanks

I thought i knew you. Inside out. Perfectly summed up. But i guess i didn't know you at all. You can't really tell me what i should feel now. Or how i should react. I'm over getting done with you. I'm over getting advice from you.

edit: and if it all fell apart, where would i be?

listening to: Shakira - Hips dont lie.

feeling: pissy!

I Will Be Waiting

Its not that hard to sum up the differences between a girl and a guy. Really!
Considering the fact that girls are just a bit more matured compared to the guy of the same age.
You can just about imagine the havoc the girl can do. and the havoc the boy can do.


Are you wishing things were different?
Are you wishing things would go back to the way they were?
Are you wishing for a perfect ending?

You might be. you might not be.
But at one point of time
You were still wishing.

As you grow older.
you realize.
things were not always meant to be.
What you thought should happen. Never happened.
What you thought would come true at that age. It didnt.
Life's unfair.
and yes. It's full of suprises
But as you grow older.
you also start appreciating what you have.


As i looked into your eyes.
I felt a surge of electricity run through my body.
As you held my hand.
I could feel the butterflies form in my tummy
Although i felt like a 5 year old.
I know i was in it for real.
The way you looked at me.
The way you spoke to me with such innocence
You took my hand and studied it with such complication on your face.
I knew you felt that way.
I didnt know how it would turn out.
But i took a leap.
And i told you.
You looked at me for a brief of five seconds.
You had confusion written all over your face.
I didnt blame you.
It was sudden
it was certain
it was outspoken.
You then looked away.
My heart stopped.
I thought i was going to stumble and fall with it again.
One mistake made already in the night.
I wasn't ready to get broken so easily already.
I know you would have comforted me no matter what.
But i just needed to know how you felt.
And then you told me
You said out the words i wanted to hear.
Thoughts flooded my mind.
Images squeezed it's way into my being.
And i knew.
I knew it was you!


edit: i'm taking 10 steps back and you're taking 2 steps forward. We'll never be on par again.

listening to: Quietdrive - Time after Time

feeling: melancholy


You're wondering if i'm okay <3

Drum beats out of time

Today hasn't been great. Actually. It's been pretty much shitty. and to all of you who know why. well. its ok. cause he'll be ok. so hold your breath and literally start counting your lucky stars.

So i studied. Very easily distracted today. and. highlight of the day. i talked to him. *woah* magic much huh? yeah. well. decent conversation. was the whole "hey, i'm emo, talk to me, sympathize for me" conversation. so dont get head over heals.. Yeah. okay. so what? i talk to him. big deal. okay. maybe it is. but whatever. i'm not getting ahead of myself. and it didnt seem like he was going to either.

he's just. comforting. yet not. yet. i dont know why the hell i always go to him when there's something wrong with me. he's very understanding. which i truly appreciate. and thank god he's so matured. he's sensitively amusing. and considers all aspects of my past with his impeccable way of tantalizing me with charm.
Why do i still do this to myself?
okay. i have no idea why. but i do. i talk to him. which is totally screwed up. but hey. tantalizing. only one guy in your entire life can do that. trust me girls. so he had nothing much to say. he teased me a little. with his "oh so incredible humor" which is what he's best at. obviously.

and i have no idea why im still blogging about him. when it's my damned emo post.
so i just questioned myself
what if "he" was like a "john tucker"?
i convince myself he's not.
i convince myself he was different.
but maybe he is now.
well we're not together.
so really
it does not matter.

okay. seriously. nuff about him. im getting sick to my stomach talking about him.

geez. i have to get a grip on myself.

so im emo
like emo emo shit
and i've created a wor
which comes out as feeling at the end of my post.
and you know what
i have the damn right to be emo. so stop being a bitch. and stop judging me. like you've never been emo. or. pity this emo girl. so shut the hell up. because i dont need YOUR damn sympathy. i needed his. i got his. so end of story. period!


im like this girl. whose emo. and like sensitive. and soft. yet abrupt. i'm hard to understand. i know that for a fact as myself. and yes i have to live with it. and if anyone of you out there does not like it. guess what. i could not care less. seriously. so. i've had my up's and down's in life. and i've lived through it all. literally. i have come out a better person through every trial and tribulation.and i am somewhat thankful. i have holy saintly friends who keep me on par with what i should be. and i am so thankful for them. i have this thing. and its this thing thats a problem to most people. i am damned nice to any person i come across. sometimes its too nice. i go to an international school. which apparently makes me bitchy. but whatever. if im a bitch. well at least im a nice one. and if anyone of you thinks like im some kinda girl who goes sleeping around, well guess again. cause i dont. i dont usually care what people think of me. cause if you have a problem with me. i expect you to deal with that problem by yourself without getting me involved. im outgoing. and i'm elegant. and i'm sophisticated. and i'm superb with all my flaws. if you havent realized. well to bad. i have this friend. this guy friend. who is "the bomb". cause whenever im in need. ill go to him. and when he's in need. he'll come to me. we have this mutual understanding. i grow strong bonds with "certain" people. not all. not some. but certain. and if you're not within the bond. well buzzer off. cause you obviously did not cut it. i do not like guys who try to pick up girls by doing lame shit. because. its so old school dude. i use vulgarities at times. so you gotta live with that too.i'm not that picky. but i can be at times. and i can be very very rude if i want too. im full of sarcasm. and its uncontrollable around "certain" people. and if your planning on testing it. trust me. you would not win. unless you have mixed around in the same "clique" i have. i love travelling. i love family. i love friends. i love alot of things. i love shopping, i love starbucks. gah! i just am truly complicated. but you want to know why. cause honestly. childhood sucked. not big time. but it did to a certain extent. and hell. i had to deal with it. i have an older brother. who was good. who is good. but. now he's in another country. and yeah. he might not be there most times. but i know he will always be the older brother i look up to. i had fun as a kid. i played alot of fun games with my dad. and no. this is not like my life story. this is somewhat blabbering. cause i honestly think i should. i love having a good feeling about things. i mean. not all the time is it right. but hell. its the thought of having a good feeling. and thats done. for my blabbering. thank you for reading.
and thank you for not understanding.

:)



If live gives you a lemon. squeeze it back and wish for something better ------- Why do i wait when i know it will never come? ---------


edit: i'm falling behind. who is it i turn to now?

listening to: quietdrive - time after time

feeling: fucky (my word, i call dibs)



You're so perfect, yet oh so sinful <3

Grace

Did everything just change? From good to better? From sadness to happiness? Did you just get too good to be true? Do you strike out as the best?

Yes. It did!

For all of you out there who are wishing that i knew what to say to jenna right now. for all of you out there who know what to say to her. for all of you out there who just want to kick themselves.
I strongly suggest you keep all thoughts & comments to yourself. This is not something you get to be the judge off!
Ryan comes back in less than 24 hours. We will get through it no matter what.


To Jenna
****************
There's a time to come
there's a time to go.
As you go through this,
you will realize that it was his time.
If he comes out of this,
he will not be the same person.
If he doesn't,
we will all be here for you.
I know its unfair to you,
i know its unfair to him.
Through all the strength he's given you,
use it now.
Waste away you're tears on him now,
and i would not say a word.
If you're hurting,
you shouldn't.
You know he loved you,
you know he wanted you,
you know he thought of you.
He did this for you,
he took "the plunge" for you.
I hope you get over this in time.
I hope you get through this.
I hope you pull through for your kids.
With all that's said,
with all that's been done.
You should know.
He loved you with all his heart.
And he would have done anything to get your happiness.
I am here as your best friend.
As "your person"
Whatever it is jen, you can turn to me.
And I will not flinch nor move.
i love you jenna
******************

edit: This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, Like it's forever. Then live the rest of our life, But not together.

Listening to: Mika - Happy Ending

Feeling: sorrowful & loving towards jenna!


And if it all hadn't happened, would it all have ended? <3

Were You The One?

** I'll take a look at what you have, if i dont like, assure you, i will walk away & not look back**


So what if everything were to change in the blink of an eye. would i still be the same to you?
Would everything around us still look so familiar? would you still long for me as i walk by without you noticing you've already started drooling?

I DONT THINK SO!



i would like to wish my "oh so faithful" julian.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)
although you're super annoying at times, i swear, i so love you, you're officially "bestie" material

so today he turn's 17. woohoo for him -_-.. haha. kidding! so he was like obviously damn happy about it. He kept gloating the other night how he was gonna get everything today.
Turns out. he ONLY got PERFUME from *yours truly*
see jule! told ya i rock!

so anyways. after school today i went shopping with him. cause he wanted to pick his perfume. (how exciting, not). so we did. And he got the davidoff one. cause apparently it was one of the more manly one's. so whatever. it was also like bonding session. but whatever. i didnt count it as that. its too. (eeeee) haha. so after that we went to his house. hung out. met his mom. and then i left. so yeah. what a day?

and like

tomorrow. there's this thing at sunway lagoon. i soo wanna go.
but like HELLO

MONTHLIES NEXT WEEK!
Massive
with a capital M


I dont know why. i'm in a super bitchy mode.
so you just gotta tolerate it. otherwise
you can just stop reading :D

so last night. was so awesome. i studied. like literally. i studied for physics and chemistry.
wtf wtf? awesome phil :)

and today was seriously bullshit!
we HAVE to do the accounting exam
which is so stupid
cause we have not had a teacher
and we had to talk to this lady from the office about it
i swear
she had like a stick up her ass
she was telling us how only things from last term was going to come out
it was drama!
seriously
so after that woman!
we went to the reception requesting to see the head of school
and she was in a meeting
so wtf right?
so we waited till lunch time.
so lunch time came
mel and i went up to the office.
went to see if she was done
and still NO!
wtf wtf?
stupid lady -_-
so and then. after lunch was over
a LOAD of us went to the office.
like seriously
alot of people came
so we went
and then
she was in a meeting for the first 5 mins
and then when we saw her
it was a waste of time
just so you know
cause
basically
she said
.
..
...
....
you guys have to do the accounting exam cause it was only what was taught last year.
and we TRIED reasoning with her that we havent had a teacher and bla bla bla
but it didnt work
DAMMIT!


so end of the day
we are doing the accounting exam
so much for protesting
bloody waste of time

:)
happy studying one and all!


edit: if i told you all the things in the world, would you stay with me tonight?
** I Love My Boss **

listening to: The Afters - Beautiful Love

feeling: pissed off!



All my life, i pray for someone like you <3

Can You Help Me

Yesterday was like my pissing and emo day. literally. and of course. my oh so faithful jenna had to put up with it. but whatever. she loves me. so screw you!
I emo-ed with her. I studied. I watched TV. I slept. I sorta ate. I did like alot of things on my off day (: wooohooo!
The weekend is coming. And thank god i have a million things to do. (: "As Long As It Helps Me Get My Mind Off What You Just Told Me, It's Fine"....

NEW YORK (AFP) - Actor Heath Ledger, 28, who rocketed to fame in his role as a gay cowboy in the Oscar-winning movie "Brokeback Mountain," was found dead in his New York residence on Tuesday, police said.

Police sources told US media that prescription pills were found in the apartment and said signs pointed to either an accidental overdose or suicide. His family in his native Australia described the death as "accidental."

HEATH LEDGER DIED =(

Toby's coming back for the weekend. Just cause i asked him too (: I'm super lucky to have friends like him and jenna.
Well. Kesh did his part as well. He called and tried to comfort me. But hell. No offense but it did not help. Cause well. He did the same damn thing!.
So its turns out that music does help heal the soul. So what if it's not that effective. Hell. It's alot better than thinking about it 24-7.

Right now. It's not like unforgiveness is going to come oozing out of me. But you know why. Cause its actually pretty much an unforgivable thing that you did. So what if you dont like me like this? So what if you think i'm a big bittchh now? It doesnt matter what you think. Yes it does matter what you feel, cause you are a person.
But did it ever once strike up the thought of how i felt, or how i MIGHT have felt at that time?
No obviously not
Secrets are meant to be kept
But honestly.
Not a big enuff secret as this.
I'm loosing all patience and motive with this situation.
And yeah.
Its annoying




But you clearly see me dealing with it well! God damn you for what you did. Yeah. Hell Yeah. Im pissed. Im upset. Im hurt. But clearly. It never mattered to you.


Current Troubles:
1) Monthlies Next Week
2) I'm taking literature and i dropped add math!
3) Catch up on Science work
4) Ryan
5) yOu
6) Meet up with jillie
7) See toby this weekend, eventhough monthlies are next week.
8) Set apart dates of when Nikki and Toby come back
9) plan jenna's thing!
10) update myself with the latest gossip in my friends lives



oh fucckk, the list just goes on and on!
I'm clearly not in the mood to be emo!
but OBVIOUSLY i am!


Toby and I are going to pavillion to buy him new clothes. Later on. He's gonna practice his cooking skills on me. Later on. I'm going home like a good girl and sitting my arse down and studying. But you know what. Every inch of everything just reminds me of you! So its complete bull when i tell myself that i WILL NOT think about you and what you've done.

I dont understand why i'm so damned upset. But i just am. And hell. I have the right to it!
Sometimes, when i lie down, i can feel your presence.
Sometimes, when i eat, i can see you watching me intently
Sometimes, when i daydream, i very very rarely do it about you.

I know you know i'm hurting. I know you know i'm upset
I know you know i'm scarred.
But i know you dont know what i feel.

I feel like telling you that there is so much more to life. But i dont really know if there is.
I cant sit here and judge you. I cant sit here and tell you what you should do.
I cant lean over, lift you're head and tell you that there is hope for you.
I cant hope that there is something better you should be doing
Cause honestly. I dont know if there is.
Lies were meant to be revealed. Yes they were.
But clearly not in this manner.

You know. I know . We know. What it feels like to be in this position
Lies. lies and more lies.
What am i suppose to turn around and say?
" It's okay, i forgive you, let's get on with it then"
i cant
When i think of looking at you
I know.
I will turn my head in disgust.
i know i will feel like running the opposite direction the moment i see you
i know i will want to be free of this..

I wish it were all a dream
I wish that there was something more to this story
Where its all a happy ending
But i know.
that there's no more
The only thing that could be more off, is more lies, more truth revealed.

You might regret it. But i clearly see it. I dont see you trying your ass off to make things better.
i dont see you making difference and trying to work it out

So what if i dont want to talk to you?
so what if i dont want to see you?
hell
if you wanted it
you would learn how to try
but clearly you dont!


Do whatever you want
You want me in you want me out
And yes it clearly is unbelievable to me.


** Boss. I Love You**

edit: End of the day, it was always about you, and how you felt, and what you wanted. What could else could you want tonight?

listening to: KCI and JOJO - All My Life. or The Afters - Beautiful Love!

feeling: distressed


As it Burns Through Me <3

Surrender

If you're always looking for reasons not to be with somebody, well you'll always find them, and I guess at some point you should let go and give your heart what it deserves.









listening to: The Umbrellas - The City Of Lights

feeling: melancholy


so have you been to a place like this? <3

Complete Truth

dont all of you just want to know the complete truth? hell. so would i. i wish i did now. to get over feeling like this.


i feel so lost
i feel so empty
i feel like a total loser
i feel like a misprint
i feel like i dont belong


all.all.all. maybe not all. but mostly all. because of them!
those very few people that make life harder to grasp
that make life more annoying true habbit
that make it sound as if its all going to end if we dont change.



well
guess what
i did change!
actually

i changed alot

practically every inch of me

1) my make-up brand
2) my hair length
3) my hairstyle
4) my ego
5) my personality
6) my lifestyle

basically
everything


what was it all for?
a huge massive fight?
yes. no. maybe?



it just doesnt cut it anymore. nothing matters now. i cant do anything and not wanting to break down in tears. just by the thought of it. how do you want me to live?
like a jeapordized kid that has no future? give me hope. no. you didn't. you said it right to my face. yes suicidal is a thought. stupid and crazy and prolly will never happen.
but screw it. it was a thought. i cant live like this. not eating. not feeling. not wanting. not needing. i have barely anything left inside me. could you save me? maybe. if you do. bring along your vows and proclaim it
i need to cry
i really do
watching my friends do the same stuff you would have done.
its disgusting
yet terrifying
and so horrifying

how do i forget this?
how do i let go?
how do i walk away?
how do i move on?


Broken by my own thoughts. Embarassed to spill. Worried that it could happen again. What am i to do? tell me


edit: did you get what you wanted? are you proud of it? how can i question you? i'm the one wretching like a dog tonight!

listening to: Aerosmith - Jaded

feeling: no feeling just crying

Whatever It Takes

The "evil" stare. (not a candid) - Melanie And I!

So today, i feel compassionate to blog about myself.
I know i know. Self Obsession. But screw it! :)

I'm the sort of girl who loves almost anything.
Taking into consideration. Almost!
I have a great group of friends. In school and out of school!
In school friends here all my bitcchy-ness :)
Out of school friends help me get over my problems.
Preferentially by drinking :)
This is no tribute to any of my friends. cause once again. i am talking about me, myself and I.
yes thank you for that wonderful smirk that you can now wipe off your face :)
*genius me*
I've been downloading a junk load of music.
I've evolved. Over the past 6 months especially.
When the going gets tough, you learn to trust in your friends.


edit: I'm not feeling me

listening to: Paramore - Miracle

feeling: hurt


When i wasnt watching, i fell <3

Truant

Call me a bad student. Or a bad class monitor. It's okay. It was so worth it today :) haha.
Well. I skipped math. well not really. cause we went to see the head of school, and then our homeroom teacher and then to see the literature teacher. Woohoo.
Guess what?
..
...
....
.....
I dropped Add Math
.
..
...
....
Give me a hell yeah baby! :)
.
..
...
Well, isra and i skipped. so it wasnt just me. well we got it done. so whatever! amanda didnt come to school today. for god knows what reason.
anyways
No more Add math
No more Mr.James
No more 4 painful hours of a "oh so BORING class"
.
..
...
I just love myself :)
.
..
...
So besides doing the "oh so wonderful thing of the day"
i also
Watched
American Pie, Beta House
DisGusTing ShiT!
so never ever (if your a girl) watch what i watched.
.
..
...
I came back home. And was planning to send the science homework out. but like. wtf wtf? cannot send. wtf? okay. so basically. i cannot send this email. The thing doesnt fully attach. wtf wtf? ok. so then i went out to get some stuff. and wtf? secret recipe was out of chocolate indulgence, which i was planning to buy derrick & raphael. wtf wtf? bad luck much?
.
..
...
on a lighter note. Vinod shaved his head bald, and has officially gotten the swatch watch he wanted. he called me at 5am to tell me all this. wtf? random! anyways. he told me about his new girlfriend. and how he was so into her, and then she suddenly became into him. or some shit like that. so. therefore. Vinod, i am VERY HAPPY for you buddy :)... Today during science. Ms D got a bit upset, cause the guys weren't paying attention, and i dont blame her, cause seriously, once they start talking they never stop! so. toby dyed his hair brown. which apparently looks totally hott. but i have yet to see the pictures. so i shall not be judgemental.
.
..
for a while now i've been thinking about where i stand tonight. and i realized. no where in your life. i'm just that passing phase you go through for a while, and get over it as soon as you realize that you have something better. lying to yourself isn't going to do you any good, still somehow, you do it. all the time! how will i ever know if i'm the girl you make me out to be? will i ever?
Deceitful words, hurtful lies, all add up to the way we were. i have no lost faith in anything at all. or is that just something i say. the "just forget it" was all a lie. i was thinking. so much more than i should have.
.
..
...
....
and as for you
.
..
I'm sorry if i hurt you or upset you or took my anger out on you in any point of time. I still love you alot. I'm so happy with this situation. :)
.
..
...
....
babyface
.
...
.....



edit: perfect imperfections

listening to: Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes

feeling: loved


i will do whatever it takes, to turn this around <3

Hello, Welcome to My World!

In due reverence to raphael's birthday. We camwhored. Pigged out massively on Mc Donalds. and Had fun. or at least tried. Here are some pics. and as you go through them. this will make sense

1. The letter i hold is NOT a love letter. it was a letter from Kevin about firing a teacher :)
2. Wan Min and i were bored. and that is why we took nearly 200 photos
3. Boredom does kill
4. I camwhored to forget about that bittchh!
5. Pictures describe a millon feelings

so enjoy!



















































































































You're just a jealous bittchh cause you know you didnt have nearly as much fun as we do. and you could hardly party as hard as us :) be jealous! :)

edit: you helped me get through the day. thank you :)

listening to: incbus - anna molly

feeling: high


Pardon me while i burst <3