Complete Truth

dont all of you just want to know the complete truth? hell. so would i. i wish i did now. to get over feeling like this.


i feel so lost
i feel so empty
i feel like a total loser
i feel like a misprint
i feel like i dont belong


all.all.all. maybe not all. but mostly all. because of them!
those very few people that make life harder to grasp
that make life more annoying true habbit
that make it sound as if its all going to end if we dont change.



well
guess what
i did change!
actually

i changed alot

practically every inch of me

1) my make-up brand
2) my hair length
3) my hairstyle
4) my ego
5) my personality
6) my lifestyle

basically
everything


what was it all for?
a huge massive fight?
yes. no. maybe?



it just doesnt cut it anymore. nothing matters now. i cant do anything and not wanting to break down in tears. just by the thought of it. how do you want me to live?
like a jeapordized kid that has no future? give me hope. no. you didn't. you said it right to my face. yes suicidal is a thought. stupid and crazy and prolly will never happen.
but screw it. it was a thought. i cant live like this. not eating. not feeling. not wanting. not needing. i have barely anything left inside me. could you save me? maybe. if you do. bring along your vows and proclaim it
i need to cry
i really do
watching my friends do the same stuff you would have done.
its disgusting
yet terrifying
and so horrifying

how do i forget this?
how do i let go?
how do i walk away?
how do i move on?


Broken by my own thoughts. Embarassed to spill. Worried that it could happen again. What am i to do? tell me


edit: did you get what you wanted? are you proud of it? how can i question you? i'm the one wretching like a dog tonight!

listening to: Aerosmith - Jaded

feeling: no feeling just crying