Today hasn't been great. Actually. It's been pretty much shitty. and to all of you who know why. well. its ok. cause he'll be ok. so hold your breath and literally start counting your lucky stars.
So i studied. Very easily distracted today. and. highlight of the day. i talked to him. *woah* magic much huh? yeah. well. decent conversation. was the whole "hey, i'm emo, talk to me, sympathize for me" conversation. so dont get head over heals.. Yeah. okay. so what? i talk to him. big deal. okay. maybe it is. but whatever. i'm not getting ahead of myself. and it didnt seem like he was going to either.
he's just. comforting. yet not. yet. i dont know why the hell i always go to him when there's something wrong with me. he's very understanding. which i truly appreciate. and thank god he's so matured. he's sensitively amusing. and considers all aspects of my past with his impeccable way of tantalizing me with charm.
Why do i still do this to myself?
okay. i have no idea why. but i do. i talk to him. which is totally screwed up. but hey. tantalizing. only one guy in your entire life can do that. trust me girls. so he had nothing much to say. he teased me a little. with his "oh so incredible humor" which is what he's best at. obviously.
and i have no idea why im still blogging about him. when it's my damned emo post.
so i just questioned myself
what if "he" was like a "john tucker"?
i convince myself he's not.
i convince myself he was different.
but maybe he is now.
well we're not together.
so really
it does not matter.
okay. seriously. nuff about him. im getting sick to my stomach talking about him.
geez. i have to get a grip on myself.
so im emo
like emo emo shit
and i've created a wor
which comes out as feeling at the end of my post.
and you know what
i have the damn right to be emo. so stop being a bitch. and stop judging me. like you've never been emo. or. pity this emo girl. so shut the hell up. because i dont need YOUR damn sympathy. i needed his. i got his. so end of story. period!
im like this girl. whose emo. and like sensitive. and soft. yet abrupt. i'm hard to understand. i know that for a fact as myself. and yes i have to live with it. and if anyone of you out there does not like it. guess what. i could not care less. seriously. so. i've had my up's and down's in life. and i've lived through it all. literally. i have come out a better person through every trial and tribulation.and i am somewhat thankful. i have holy saintly friends who keep me on par with what i should be. and i am so thankful for them. i have this thing. and its this thing thats a problem to most people. i am damned nice to any person i come across. sometimes its too nice. i go to an international school. which apparently makes me bitchy. but whatever. if im a bitch. well at least im a nice one. and if anyone of you thinks like im some kinda girl who goes sleeping around, well guess again. cause i dont. i dont usually care what people think of me. cause if you have a problem with me. i expect you to deal with that problem by yourself without getting me involved. im outgoing. and i'm elegant. and i'm sophisticated. and i'm superb with all my flaws. if you havent realized. well to bad. i have this friend. this guy friend. who is "the bomb". cause whenever im in need. ill go to him. and when he's in need. he'll come to me. we have this mutual understanding. i grow strong bonds with "certain" people. not all. not some. but certain. and if you're not within the bond. well buzzer off. cause you obviously did not cut it. i do not like guys who try to pick up girls by doing lame shit. because. its so old school dude. i use vulgarities at times. so you gotta live with that too.i'm not that picky. but i can be at times. and i can be very very rude if i want too. im full of sarcasm. and its uncontrollable around "certain" people. and if your planning on testing it. trust me. you would not win. unless you have mixed around in the same "clique" i have. i love travelling. i love family. i love friends. i love alot of things. i love shopping, i love starbucks. gah! i just am truly complicated. but you want to know why. cause honestly. childhood sucked. not big time. but it did to a certain extent. and hell. i had to deal with it. i have an older brother. who was good. who is good. but. now he's in another country. and yeah. he might not be there most times. but i know he will always be the older brother i look up to. i had fun as a kid. i played alot of fun games with my dad. and no. this is not like my life story. this is somewhat blabbering. cause i honestly think i should. i love having a good feeling about things. i mean. not all the time is it right. but hell. its the thought of having a good feeling. and thats done. for my blabbering. thank you for reading.
and thank you for not understanding.
:)
If live gives you a lemon. squeeze it back and wish for something better ------- Why do i wait when i know it will never come? ---------
edit: i'm falling behind. who is it i turn to now?
listening to: quietdrive - time after time
feeling: fucky (my word, i call dibs)
You're so perfect, yet oh so sinful <3
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