Rear Meetings

I walked along the shore of what used to be our spot
I walked along the road i walked on with you
I walked along the lines of what we used to find fascinating
I walked away from all of that




Like petals that make up a flower
Like the smile that makes up a person
A word that made us up
"Perfect"





You were amazing
You were perfect
You were right
I was wrong
You're there
I'm here
We are so indifferent in everything now.
You're wishing me the best
I'm wishing you the best
The part of what could be the worst


It was an inevitable ending
It was a never dream to see closure of my chapter.
It was a statement that made you're closure.
It's what closed this section of our life.






It felt like just yesterday,
when i would laugh at you're messy hair,
try to fix it,
but mess up ever further.
It felt like just last week,
when you called me and told me you wanted me forever,
when i laughed at what you said,
when you kept quiet,
when i knew it was for real.
It felt like just yesterday,
you held my hand,
told me to go for it,
telling me you'll wait.
It felt like last week,
when you called to tell me you were leaving,
and i called you a liar,
and when i finally concluded it was true,
i was to upset to talk to you,
and you running, running to catch me.
It felt like yesterday,
when you lost her,
when i lost you
when we got lost.


The sorrow in you're heart,
the pain in you're eyes,
the blood trickling down you're mouth,
the horror gaping you.
Everything i said
will say
and have said
has made no impact.
Forgive me for my unforgiving ways.
Forgive me for not being perfect
Forgive me for loving you.
Forgive me for wanting to be you're one and only.
Forgive me for not being able to measure up to you're standards.
Forgive me.







What's said and what's been done is in the past.
hoping to erase the memory of what seems to be a bitter sweet memory.
Not knowing whether or not you want it the same.
Not knowing whether you would still be the same
Not knowing whether or not its you.
We've made it this far.
We've made it through the crowd
We've done it.







As far as this goes.
As long as this goes
The time that it takes
The energy that it takes
You have my absolute 100%



Not forgetting that it was you
Not me
But you
Thinking that it could be mended
Thinking that it could be changed
Thinking that it could be forgotten
Lets try together
Lets face up to the fact that i don't
And you do.






A little more of you
A little more of me
A little more of us.
A little more from you
A little more from me
A little more fro us.






Letting you go is an option
Choice which i have failed to make
I cease the day i make it
And the moment it's made.
Reason or no reason
It will be made.
Good or bad.
You will move on.

Facing the inevitable facts of having to go through the pain and worry of whether or not there's going to be a better tomorrow. Facing the fact that i don't know what's in store for tomorrow. But. I do know. I love you. I still love you. I have always loved you. So love me back this once. Love me. Show me you do. Make me that girl. Let me be her that sits on you're lap and whispers sweet serenity's into you're ears. Let me be the girl that gets you overly excited on a date in forty days. Let me be the girl to kiss you good luck for you're exams. Let me be the girl that holds you're hand through you're toughest nights. Let me be the girl you're addicted too. Let me be the girl you dream about every single night. Let me be the girl you choose to be with today, tomorrow and forever. Let me be the girl who lights up with the infamous 'i love you' each morning. Let me be the girl to call you in the middle of the day to tell you that she's having you're favorite food. Let me be the girl who loves you with all her heart. Let me be the girl to kiss you goodbye when you leave for school every morning. Let me be the girl that's dating you. Let me be the girl who fantasizes night and day about you. Let me be the girl that's strongly hung up on you. Let me be the girl to make you laugh when you're crying. Let me be the girl to buy you you're prom suit. Let me be the girl to wish you first on you're birthday. Let me be the girl you never fight with. Let me be the girl you want forever and forever. Let me be the girl you share you're heart and soul out each and everyday. Let me be the girl that you want there and you're high school graduation. Let me be this girl to you. let me. let me.





When you fail, i fail, when i cry, you dont, how are we so imperfect? <3

Song Obsessions #1

Here's a list of my current song obsessions :)

1) John mayer - clarity
2) Avril Lavigne - Hot
3) John Mayer - Daughters.
4) Justin Timberlake - Until the end of time
5) Anna Nalick - Breath
6) Lifehouse - Whatever it takes
7) Lenny Kravitz - I'll be waiting
8) KCI and Jojo - All my life.
9) Jesse McCartney - Just so you know.
10) Sean Kingston - Take you there
11) Orson - Aint no party
12) Vanessa Carlton - Nolita Fairytale
13) Vanessa Carlton - White Houses
14) Yellowcard - Light Up The Sky
15) Linkin Park - Shadow of the day
16) The Rasmus - in the shadows
17) The Afters - Beautiful Love
18) The Umbrellas - The City Lights
19) Kelly Rowland - Stole
20) Switchfoot - Awakening

white is officially my thing
LOVE

Into The Deep

I dont know how i spent my day
obviously
i was an unproductive fuck
but seriously
how can that be?

Kesh is right. i'm a cow
no correction
I'm a Lazy Cow.

this is cause
i refuse to get up to go get food
eat a little too much these days.
watch too many reruns of grey's anatomy
watch the OC out of utter boredom.
sleep like shitnuts fuck cause i have nothing to do on a saturday
laze around
text 24-7
i dont study
and im a stupid hypocrite :)




sometimes
just sometimes
im proud to be called stupid
but pfft
thats only in my purely stupid moments
so duh!

I've listened to john mayer for the past hour.
And as much as i would like to say he's so emo
He's not.
cause his words appeal to me.
no seriously!



diva chunkies
new emanuelle shoes
new f timber sleek wallet
and benefitial info
has sooooooo made my day :)




so i'm officially gonna start studying tomorrow. no joke. no shit. because. exams in like 14 days. FUCK! so starting to get abit panicky :) hey. be glad that senses have kicked me in the ass and told me to start panicking 13 days prior and not 2 days prior.
i'm gonna be responsible and productive throughout my study period
because seriously.
i do plan to pass math
and whatever subjects that i may have failed CONSISTENTLY in the past!




i have english essays to hand up
science holiday homework
god am i dumb
i have not done holiday homework
and holidays are long over
well
heck with it
im still gonna do it.
cause it benefits me bitches!
and we are prolly gonna be given assignments anytime now.
SO
i'm gonna do english within the next 2 days. and science homework sometime this weekend.
but right now
i'm gonna watch two and a half men
and then i'm gonna eat
and then i'm gonna sleep
cause i'm still in the cow mood :D
oh.
and i have to talk to people.
in between all of this.
cause like hello.
duh
i talk to people like all the time
heh :)
that was such a dumb line..






so quote me and tell me what im supposed to do
point out my flaws
and raise my temper
find fault
and blame endlessly
the utter disgrace you bring to myself is disgustingly painful and unworthy
unheard of mistakes
and unforgiveness
dont suffer from something that we can make work
dont tell me what i should do
dont tell me i should jump off a roof
or get back with the ex
all i wanna know is
am i ever gonna forget about you?




do i put up with you
do i let go of you
do i live with you
do i love you
do i like you
do i tempt you
do i please you
do i satisfy you
do i entertain you
****
do i do anything for you?







how do you know if you're the best. how do you know if you're the one. how do you know if you're imperfections are perfections in someone else's point of view. how do you know if you are good enough. how do you know your pretty enough. how do you know if you are smart enough. how do you know if you is what they want. how do you know that you're cut out for it. how do you know that you're not going to give up half way. how do you know if you fit the criteria?

my past
my present
my future
i want it all to lie in your hands
i want you to be the one i make decisions with
i want it to be you
for everything
from now on
you are center of attraction
yet you dont want to be
and thats why
you've walked out

edit: i wish i had you





listening to: John Mayer - Clarity





feeling: pissed off





obsession: HANDBAGS






craving: CUPCAKES!






Rest your weary heart and relax your mind <3

Walking In Circles

" Down the beaten path of death, i will stand by you. You will shine through everything through the fading darkness, and we will get through this together. "

We have been down the path of loneliness
where we both talk about the past
and reminisce about what could have been



you talk to me
tell me that you might still like me.
tell me things that im dying to hear
and crack
start calling me the sweetest names.




i wonder
why you put me through this
over and over again
as much as it may seem fun to you
it isnt to me




endless words
endless dreams
endless fairytales.
i make myself believe in you
all the time
because its you!
because your special to me





your unpredictable
the way you handle things
the way you just know how things are gonna turn out
the way you just know everything
i'm amazed





the slightest thing
would trigger off thoughts of you
a certain face
a certain spot
a certain sound
although i know very well by now
i still let myself get fooled all the time.





its amazing
how one person
can make you get the heebie jeebies.
and when you cant live under your own skin
how you would just rip it out
and start over?





how would you like it if you were stuck in a cubicle with a person you hated for twenty four hours.
what if you had to put up with a person who you barely even knew.
would you like to be left alone
would you like to be that close to a stranger
would you like to sit and wonder what else you could be doing with your time
never fall for a stranger
never doubt a stranger
most of all
never fear a stranger






there's something about a guy i know
that can make everything else less important
or maybe he just simply makes things better.
I know for a fact he's a person i can turn to when i'm down.
I know for a fact that he has best intentions for me
As a friend
:)
I haven't know him long
But i've become close to him.
And it truly is great!
So.
If you know who you are
Thank you so much
For your support
Love
and
Care :)

edit: what if it all came down to making the decision of a lifetime? who would you pick?



listening to: The Rasmus - In The Shadows




feeling: melancholy




obsession: Monirul!





craving: good stuff!

Drop a heart, Break A Name <3

Desperation

" Feed me my fetish in a bowl, and serve a drink straight up, i'm done with being the other side of your deal, now treat me right, and you'll see it work "

Today's a holiday for us.
cause we had the swimming gala yesterday :)



i hardly slept last night
i wish i hadn't stayed up thinking about you
i wish i tossed over
and fell asleep
and had peacefulness for the first time in days


you have this thing about you
that makes you god damn amazing


this weird laugh which comes along with a really low tone which can drive any girl insane. the smile that could light up the world, but the frown that could beat every puppy dog look. the lips that are so irresistible and the precautious signs that your body would give off when you are happy. the amazing hair that has distinct features all by itself. the touch of your hand that could give a girl chills that would last. the smell of your body scent is so tantalizingly beautiful.











why do i lean onto something thats so surreal?
why do i lean on you when you can hardly feel anything with me?
why do i pick you over him right now?
how can you be so new to me but mean more to me than anything else?
how can i be so sure about you even when your not here with me?
how can i want you?
how can you stand me?
how can you bare me?
how can you put me so much pain?
how do i let myself go through this?
how do i live with myself for all this?
how do i do this?






i'm not sure what you do
but whatever you do
you've got me hanging!



he said to me:

you're useless
you're stupid



yet
why?
do i feel this way towards him
why do i feel that blazing connection towards him?
why do i feel like an invalid whenever talking to him.



if pleasing you was something easy
i would have mastered it by now.
i'm so unsure when it comes to you
and i feel like a dumb fuck most times.
yet.
i stick around
more like you do
but i've let you down countless times
and there's no forgetting in that.




my stupidity gets you in trouble
my nerves gets you upset
my frustration gets you pissed off.





how do i not feel the tension?
how do i not feel the paranoia
how do i not feel the pain
how do i miss all the motions when it comes to you.




how come i dont go through the happy notions with you
how do i have weird feelings when it comes to you?





your words ring true
your voice brings harmony
your laughter brings light
your friendliness shows
your kindness has no end
and your harshness rarely appears





how do i pick east from west?
how did i end up with west?




I MISSS JOHN!

edit: no surprises. no phobia's. no paranoia. no fear. no guilt



listening to: Incubus - Dig



feeling: moody




obsession: monirul!




craving: Cupcakes





I know you'll count on the me from yesterday <3

Gala Shit

"retardo"

"weirdo"

"emo 01"

"class monitor and assistant monitor 01"

"class monitor and assistant monitor 02"

"emo 02"

"isra 01"

" isra 02"

"casey and isra"

"julian and i"

"isra 03"

"boom :)"

"random 01"

"random 02"

"isra 04"

"isra 05"

"emo 03"

"dexter"

"leon :)"

"casey & james"

"raphael and alex"

"boom and james'

"abel :)"

"casey"

"gay james & raphael"

"yul aka isra's husband"

"benjamin"

"boom :)"

"candid isra"

"raphael & dexter"

"casey"

"phil & james"

"Aaron aka Rain"



SWIMMING GALA SHIT BEGINS HERE!


so. thank you so much to isra, steven, kien meng, jon, casey, jessy, ameli, mr bailey, ms dianna, gary, tzu leong, jeng liang..... :)
those are the people that helped!
and to the rest of you people who were supposed to help and didnt
well
isra and i will come up with a plan.
to make you pay for it
i swear.
the booth was
so
so
so
so
fucked up!





so anyways. i put up pictures. the little i took.
fyi
i was not in the mood for anything!



we didnt sell much
we ended up giving stuff for free.
thats what i mean when i said
swimming gala sucked cock!
comprehendo?
and i didnt watch the swimmers swim
so sorry beruang!
but its okay. its not like you supported us and came and bought from us
so whatever!




so its over
and its done with
so i have nothing to stress over about now :)
and well
it wasnt worth it frankly

Ps: thanks to john, i feel alot better about myself right now
so for the millionth time since we've gotten to know each other



THANK YOU JOHN!


:)


edit: i'm home bound to something so surreal, so make me feel like i actually mean something in your life, or i am going to start taking matters into my own hands, and deal with it my way.




listening to: Quietdrive - Time after Time





feeling: loserrrrrish!







obsession: BIG






craving: Mocha






Cause you know i'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you tonight <3

Annoyance

i'm annoyed
i dont know why
i just am


i'm pissed off
i haven't talked to him since two in the afternoon
why am i being such a paranoid bitch?
anyways!


i'm emoing
and pissing off
and upset
and hurt
and yadayadayada.
whatever shit that comes after that
i am all of that because of him!





geez
boys
-____-

why do i have the feeling that i did something wrong
why do i feel like im carrying your burdens?
why do i feel like i'm about to break down
why do i feel like i'm about to let go


i should have ignored you
i should have ignored your snide comments
i should not have looked your way
i should not have smiled at you
i should not have looked at all!


now i'm paying back for all the times i:
kicked ass
lied
ignored
patient
kissed
made up
fought
bitched
patronized

i'm done paying back
i'm done with karma
karma does kick ass








:)
SWIMMING GALA!

and i'm officially insane
because
i have blogged way to much





oh and bitch
if you ever read this
trust me
what you have with him might seem real
it might be
but it will be over soon
and i promise you
i will spit right at your face the next time i see you
but trust me i never wanna see your ugly face ever again
your just a little too immature for a nineteen year old
haha
and if you expected an apology out of me
you didnt get it
cause words count for shit
and damn
i didnt know you were that retarded
to stoop down to his level
-____-
bitches rule
and you dont classify
your the dirty whore which also combines a slut
so have fun on your escapade with a boy that knows jack shit
have a happy life with a fucky boy
i wish you both the best in hell



edit: live.learn.




feeling: great!








obsession: bitches galore

Presumptous

" My stupid fuck face was never meant for you. But. My pleasant adoring part of my side of my world of my life was totally meant for you. "

why are people so energetic at 5am on a saturday morning? damn.
i got woken up by julian because he wanted to go for a run.
and btw.
he didnt call to ask me if i wanted to go..

he just simply called
to tell me
he's going for a run
damnit!

that killed my mood to sleep
but anyways
i went back to sleep
:)
and i woke up at 7:10 to wake moni up!



anyways
i baked today
but gah! the cookies turned out to big :(
but whatever
it just means i can sell it for more cash $ :)
heh
im evil!




practice celibacy with me julian!
since julian is ultimately my favourite bastard in the world. but heh. he's not my person. so anways. since he's my favorite. he's agreed to let me experiment on him :) damn boy. you brave shit!



oh oh oh oh. john and i made a deal :)
he's totally gonna be my man if i go single after this relationship. which right now. im pretty hoping does not happen. he's gonna go all wtf on me if i wanna get with another guy. actually. i initiated the deal on myself. stay single and concentrate on o'levels. and fuck it. i hope it works but john is just gonna be my man!
so thank you john!



so unfortunately. i've deluded myself.
yet again
and told myself that i'm gonna be little miss sunshine this year
what bullshit crap
it has not happened so far
maybe besides for valentine's day

so what do i become this year?
fucky depressed chic
nahh uhh
i dont think thats gonna work for yet another year

fuck delusions and the well being to trick you






so i was standing in the middle of the oval
with a decision to make
the boy who took risks, or the guy who was most perfect for me.
i turned ninety degrees to my right and i find the risk taker. i turn a hundred and eighty degrees to the left and find the perfect one.
so i take a deep breath.
and walk straight ahead
leaving both behind
later
going
wtf to myself
for not picking one.
the flaws behind the risk taker was far to many
i cant handle yet another problem, again.
i need to start anew
and fresh
the perfect one had nothing wrong with him
well maybe he did
but i haven't found it yet
so i made the dumbest decision
to walk away from both

:S
what do i do now?



i wont fall apart
i wont segregate for the kazillionth time
and follow instinct
im wiser
im smarter
:)




some guys used to give me butterflies
and when i say that
i mean the type when you think their the one your gonna marry
and your ready to jump onto anything to do everything for them
but right now
i think i dont get that feeling anymore
and i guess i know why
cause i've matured out of that stage of puppy love
of maybe not




fuck i'm such a hypocrite
i swear.
i'm so dumb!
i've been eating chocolate like non-stop
dont worry john
i still HATE it 100%
just been eating it
cause its depressing cure food shit whatever
so.
sorry for being such a hypocrite.
but i'll stop
after tomorrow
and massively work out
to loose the millions of kg's i've probably put on




ok
i've gotta go make these posters
for
AL-JAZEERA BAKERY!
wooohooo
stupid fuck
-______-
it better do well
isra and i have invested so much time, money and energy into this booth
and i swear.
i'm gonna kill every single person that does not show up for shift!
no kidding guys!
okay
my blank threats may seem dumb now
but it will work!
okay
so yey for me
go make posters now




have a fucky week you guys
:)






i'm so demented i'm so negative



so
think positive!



Your twisted words, Your help just hurts You are not what I thought you were Hello to high and dry Convinced me to please you Made me think that I need this too I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

edit: make me hate you more bitch!







listening to: Sara Bareilles : Love Song





feeling: stupid







obsession: you!



The good shit can never come in small packages <3

Thread

right now. i wish i had never said anything to hurt you.
i'm sorry and that i never meant to hurt you
i wish i never fought with you
i wish i made you happy
i wish i gave you what you wanted.
i wish i did everything you asked for
i wish i never broke your promises
i wish i had followed in your footsteps
i wish i was a better girl towards you
i wish i could prove to you all these things


on the other hand
i wish i could tell you
i never wanted you to hurt me
i never wanted you to insult me
i wanted you to be like every other guy
i wanted you to be the same ritualistic guy
i wanted so much from you
yet
i put down all expectations and did it your way

why do i give in?
why do i put myself through the torture.
you blame yourself
i blame myself
but
we still dont see eye to eye.

how do i turn back time?
and undo something i did?
how do i take away the pain
how do i forgive myself for all this?


why dont i try forgetting you?
because im incapable of doing such a horrendous thing?
yes i think so!
















your love it beckons deeply

edit: feelings change from the moment i saw you, till the moment you hung up on me


listening to: Vanessa Carlton - Nolita Fairytale



feeling: stupid



obsession: Not eating!





As i lay in bed, i wonder of all the things that could have been and would have been if you help onto the last piece of thread <3

Descriptions

As i rip of my clothes tonight
I cant help but wonder what you would think of me now.
I dont know how i live with myself
All the lies, dirt.
Its all within the skin now.
How do i clean off dirt that's never mean to come off?
How do you undo what you've done to someone?
As i stepped out of the pretty brown dress and into the shower.
I felt the water tingle my insides.
I sensed your hands all over me.
I pictured you holding me once again.
I heard the fights over and over again.
As the water trickled from my hair to my feet.
I imagined you next to me.
And how you would bite my ear playfully.
And how you would get upset if i didn't eat.
And how you didn't like lies.
As the urge of smoking crept up
I told myself i would hurt you if i did.
As i remembered all the times you beat yourself up for me
I felt dirtier as ever.
The skin on my body has never felt so unreal.
The calls are shorter by words, but lengthier by time.
The procession of "i love you" takes longer.
The ultimate dream talk would come before bye.
The talk of others would come as usual.
I want to feel real
And not a dirty selfless bitch
I dont want to be the useless toy anymore.
So save me from the depth of the sea.
And take me in.
Let the wrinkles of my body fade as the water continues pouring.
After my hair's dry.
Lets sit on the patio
With a cup of coffee
And talk about old time's sake.
Lets want something that we never had.
Let's have happiness without fighting over it.
As i put on my fresh clothes
I smell the scent of your perfume
And i smile to myself.
As i cleanse myself before facing you everyday.
I just want to be so perfect to you.
I want to step out of the comfort zone im in.
I want to leave the scarred tissue behind.
And start over new.
I want a new body
A new look
A new skin
A new vibe!

-Untouched-

this is a quote from grey's anatomy. i just love the show!

Merideth - Ellen Pompeo

" I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself. ”

i'm in the middle of nowhere heading for a place called home. come help me find it before i find a way out of your life. come live with me and make me feel sane for the very last time. cause i love you!




Slip on the grey slippers baby!

Scream

" And as you stare, you wonder how you could ever do something so stupid. "

So i'm not having a picture perfect day. I really have bad days. *woah* surprise surprise! anyways. these past couple of days have been extremely bad because i've been fighting with him. and i hate it! AHHH!. misunderstandings suck! anyways. i dont want to have to take a break, or have a time out like how i did when we were in 4th grade. It's painful to hurt someone right? yet somehow i do it alot. apparently i'm not the perfect girlfriend. or even close to it. well no denying it now. cause it turns out im the worst. so yeah! well. time after time. shit happens. and i guess i have a bad spell of it this time around. so you might as well spin the bottle one more time and see if it lands on a better person.





i get that i'm really dumb. and that i dont do well with conversing. until now. i thought i was pretty damn good. APPARENTLY NOT!. so anyways. here i am. blogging about my feelings all over again. i just need the time. to figure out for myself what i need to do and with who. i guess i need to re-think the whole friend thing again. cause i've just realized. i wrote his name down for no damned reason. so. yeah. i also need to know what i am to do with him.




wouldn't it be cool if there was a life-guide that could tell us what to do.. i swear. cow's are so cool compare to me right now! so. i started writing this way earlier. but stuff's happened in between. apparently. now i'm not fighting with him :D and we're on good terms. so false alarm people!










i wish it was you that was hurt. i wish it was you that was ignoring me. i wish i had the words to say that would just make everything better. yet. i have nothing to say. at all. i dont know what makes you think like i would know what to say to you right now. gah!



i have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a really long day. and that i wont have time to do everything that i have planned to do. how do you differentiate from right and wrong. when all your doing is living in the moment. are you not suppose to live in the moment.





what do i do when you turn around to me and say its over. do i drop everything and follow you to whatever journey you have planned out for yourself. do i follow along in your dreams like what you expect me to do?



do i move in with you. and is that when you will say that i'm not to young. will you ever let me live for the day and not make me feel like a useless fuck. will you ever tell me sweet serenities that will get me through the day without a doubt in my head.




will the expiry date creep up on me over the next few days. and suddenly kill me with a bomb when you have decided to leave. do i bear my heart & soul for you just to show you that i'm worth you're time and money?



how do i prove to someone i barely even know that i am good for him?










jenna has come up with a theory. if you haven't sucked on a lollipop in class before you're the age of 16 you're either socially retarded or downright stupid, because you have clearly missed out on the best thing in life. :) god. its us and our theories always.



i like books. where the character magically falls in love. thats my fairytale ending. no seriously. it's fucking cool to fall in love that way. so unexpectedly and spontaneously! it truly is amazing! so with half the dead people in the world right now. apparently lent has started. and dude. seriously. why was i not notified? :( i feel so left out from the circle! heh. whatever. so i have to give up something. so i'm going to ponder about it for the next decade or so. no in like the next 2 days or something.



I need a new book to read btw. because i just finished a really good book. i cried. but it was worth it. :) i like being me. sitting in a room all by myself, sitting up against the wall. nursing a cup of tea, and just reading a good book. although. john has a better idea of reading :) well. it's all the same. as long as it's a good book. i just realized. i have a weird choice of books. and i can say that because i'm talking about myself. so i think i should broaden my aspects and read things that are better. well. i am not sure what i would pick up and read. cause usually i get suggestions. but haha. those suggestions usually fall back on books i would read. so what would the difference be? not much right.




PS: I LOVE YOU written by Cecilia Ahern is a really good book. i admit. i cried and stuff. but heck with it. it was a really emotional book :) so LOVE ME FOR IT!. hahahaha. okay.lame. anyways.i love the way the author described the characters every emotion, and every looking. it feels like your actually there with the author imagining it. and the detail to this book was great, and thats what made it so great. well i really liked it. and i would recommend it to anyone who is willing to sit down and read great detail on the character's emotion right at that moment. and also those people who like books of hers. okay. so anyways. moving on. i cant wait till. easter holidays. massssive! :0. okay. im gonna go sleep. cause i'm waking moni up @ 7am for classes! :) i'm being good :)



and how cool can the Year 10's of 2007/2008 get? We called our Booth the Al-Jazeera Bakery. ITS SO COOL! and if the people who are working for us are out there. i will send you reminders on what time your shift is on. and i swear. you better show up. otherwise isra and i will make your lives living hell! :) we still loveeee you! (most of you)



to all the people who are making, bringing or buying something for the Al-Jazeera Booth on sunday. Please remember to.
1) Smile when you see the customers :)
2) Coupons must be collected in bundles of 10 ( no matter the amount )
3) one person has to be in charge of sales, and one person has to be in charge of coupons!


and and and btw!

COOKIES

CHOCOLATES

BROWNIES

ROCKY CHOC'S

DOMINOS

CAKE

DRINKS
- Mineral Water
- Coke

SANDWICHES
- Turkey
-Chicken
- Peanut Butter & Jelly




all the items above will be sold @ our booth :)

THANK YOU!






I LOVE HIM LIKE CRAZY FUCK

edit: your name featured in jail wouldn't be such a bad idea. and please. save your whipped ass story for someone who would care. and stop comparing yourself to people who could be your fucking sister in law. and loose the whole cool act shit before i literally slap you!


listening to: Vanessa Carlton - White Houses


feeling: fudge fuck shit muffins! (somyword)


obsession: red font




I cant resist the feeling of not running up to you and giving you a great big hug right now <3

Picture Perfect

Thank god today's friday!


I dread waking up every morning to go to school, and live through a day of lessons, which most of them bore me to death. so before i go on and on about how school is killing me at the moment. i'll start talking about something else.


So yesterday was a pretty tedious day. i went grocery shopping. heh. i know. everybody was so wtf. i cant believe phil goes grocery shopping. but whatever. im on a baking & cooking spree. so wish me luck.


cempaka is having a swimming gala on sunday. and i'm attending. of course. cause isra & i are setting up a booth, and basically we are in charge of it :) "genius". we are selling. Cookies. Brownies. Chocolates. Drinks. Sandwiches. Domino's Pizza and Cake. So wish us luck! and if you are reading this and attending the swimming gala. i swear you better come buy from us. otherwise i will literally kick your behind's. and to all of those people working at the booth for shifts. please please please dont be a pain in the ass and actually show up for your shifts! cause i dont want to have to go hunting down for you guys. or yelling at you after swimming gala. so anyways. im also helping out the beruang booth. im baking a batch of cookies for them. and also im working a shift :) god. talk about multi-tasking eh!


so yesterday. jenna got me started on the topic of boys. and gah. i tell you. when she gets started. she really goes all out. so we talked about it practically till the cows came home. cause i hardly got any sleep last night. but whatever. she's a great friend! so she and kesh are having problems yet again. haha. and omg. i just figured. his name is kashvin and all. but i have always called him kesh. with an "e" and not an "a". weird eh? so anyways.


i have spent so much of money since the chinese new year holidays. its crazy. money has gone down like mad! but its okay.i plan to make up for it by not eating for the next 24 days. that would make up for the loss and a little more just for fucks sake :)... i cant wait for incubus. but apparently. backstreet boys is coming on next wed -___- wtf?
why was i not informed. BITCHES!


so lately. i've not only been busy with the swimming gala thingo but also school work. woah massive. isra and i are actually trying to be good students! :)be happy be very happy. we are changing for the better. and thankfully. the nicotine craving has gone.i cant say completely. cause thats not entirely true. but anyways! i just feel like getting high now. minus the nicotine! :)


apparently. i am a very big fighter. according to my friends. heh. okay. im not suppose to be proud of this. cause i know for a fact, whenever you fight with someone your hurting them more and more.which sucks. so i'm going to change personally and just stop all the fighting business. but the only person that disagrees and not cause he's trying to get on my good side is julian. cause we actually never fight. we might have tension and heated anger once in a while. but neither one of us has ever said anything we didn't mean. COOL! thankss julian!


and jimmy left :( "tear sob wail cry".. i especially went through the motions with him. i cant say i was particularly close to him. but still. he was a decent guy. god. that is what i say about alot of guys. note to self: never use decent ever again!. okay so continuing on with jimmy. he's that sort of guy that you can call whenever you need help. but its so sad that now he's gone. not the help as in when you need a ride back to the office when its half past two and your lunch break was over a half hour ago. like the help you need when you just fought with your best girlfriend ever and have no idea who to talk to about it. yeah jimmy was that guy to me. He's sorta like that guy from PS. I LOVE YOU!. "Daniel" well. if he's anything like daniel. i would so give in. i unfortunately couldn't bake him cookies. but i made him something even better. but its personal. so you'll never know what it is! :)

edit: when everything felt so right is wrong. what do you do?


listening to: Dido - White Flag


feeling: edgy & wild!



I'll tell you i love you a million times if thats what it takes for you to believe in every word i say <3

Names

" The weakness in my breath starts with you, and the softness of the tone ends with you. All i think about is you, and all i wish for is you. Tell me how would i survive if you left right now? Over dramatics always made life easier. "

So for fucks sake today. i decided to do this name stuff for people :) haha. its not all done. but here's just a few. i will continue later on when i have the mood!

and fyi. i miss monirul like fuckk! and im about to slap that cow faced grrl! ished out!

loveee


PHILIPPA

P : You are popular with all types of people
H : You have a very good personality and looks.
I: You Are Great in bed
L : Everyone loves you
I : You Are Great in bed
P : You are popular with all types of people
P : You are popular with all types of people
A : You like to drink


ISRA

I : You Are Great in bed
S : Easy to fall in love with
R : You like people
A : You like to drink


ZULYANA

Z : Always ready
U : You really like to chill
L : Everyone loves you
Y : Best gf/ bf anyone could ever ask for
A : You like to drink
N: You like to drink
A : You like to drink


ALISA

A : You like to drink
L : Everyone loves you
I : You Are Great in bed
S : Easy to fall in love with
A : You like to drink


SARAH

S : Easy to fall in love with
A : You like to drink
R : You like people
A : You like to drink
H : You have a very good personality and looks


JULIAN

J : People Adore you
U : You really like to chill
L : Everyone loves you
I : You Are Great in bed
A : You like to drink
N: You like to drink


MONIRUL

M : best kisser ever
O: awesome kisser
N: You like to drink
I : You Are Great in bed
R : You like people
U : You really like to chill
L : Everyone loves you


RYAN

R : You like people
Y : Best gf/bf anyone could ever ask for
A : You like to drink
N: You like to drink


JENNA

J : People Adore you
E : Damn good kisser
N: You like to drink
N: You like to drink
A : You like to drink


CARMEN

C : You are really silly
A : You like to drink
R : You like people
M : best kisser ever
E : Damn good kisser
N: You like to drink


DELVIN

D : You like to drink
E : Damn good kisser
L : Everyone loves you
V : You are not judgemental
I : You Are Great in bed
N: You like to drink


CASEY

C : You are really silly
A : You like to drink
S : Easy to fall in love with
E : Damn good kisser
Y : Best gf/bf anyone could ever ask for

__________________________________

A : You like to drink.
B : You like people.
C : You are really silly.
D : You like to drink.
E : Damn good kisser.
F : You are dead sexy.
G : You never let people tell you what to do.
H : You have a very good personality and looks.
I : You Are Great in bed.
J : People Adore you.
K : You're wild and crazy.
L : Everyone loves you.
M : best kisser ever.
N: You like to drink.
O: awesome kisser.
P : You are popular with all types of people.
Q : You are a hypocrite.
R : You like people.
S : Easy to fall in love with.
T: You're loyal to those who love you.
U : You really like to chill.
V : You are not judgemental.
W : You are very broad minded.
X : You never let people tell you what to do.
Y : Best gf/bf anyone could ever ask for.
Z : Always ready
______________________________________________



edit: If you could see me now, how would you look @ me, would you greet me with one of those nods pretending not to acknowledge me and reach for my despair??? (I love him to no ends of injury, and want him so much more. If he knew how i felt, just maybe he would try alot harder)


listening to: INXS - Pretty Vegas


feeling: alright!


I love him like how a fat kid loves chocolates <3

Chocolates

" Meet the person that was once the loving, kind, emotional freak that looked out for everyone. But looked beyond your personal flaws. Guess what, i see all now. And i sit back here and laugh. I feel sorry for you, yet not. So. You and your bitchface can have a joyride, and when you're done, i'll still be laughing at you for being dumb. "




That was NOT about Julian :)











edit: I feel like hugging every damn person right now!



listening to: Switchfoot - Oh Gravity



feeling: good





Why wont you just walk away? <3