Laguna Part 2

So wevind called me two days back. All the way from.....................indon!
woah, who would think he would fall into a place like that?
the oh so rich, and everything.
anyways. he called because........................................ashton his older brother is getting married
blur dopey me was so wtf. anyways. we talked for like a half hour, then he had some thing to go to, so we texted

Wev: Phil,boleh datang ke?
Phil: ew, you speak malay!
Wev: chuuddup! come okay? and invite whoever
Phil: uhh huh, i'll think about it. omg i have to tell you this, i forgot to tell you just now, there was this once, when julian and i were at KLCC, we saw this guy who looked exactly like you. no seriously. replica wei! so anyways. i yelled wevind, and a whole bunch of people turned and cocked stared us. and that guy turned. and we realized it wasn't you
Wev: so wtf dude?
Phil: heh.. okay. so. when are you coming back for GOOD?
Wev: never, unless you find me a pretty bride.
Phil: oh simple simple. curi someone's gf like you always do!
Wev: i dont like the new you, what has your bf done to you? soap washed your puny brain?
Phil: omg. insult insult. my bf's good. so SHUT UP. heh. at least i have one.
Wev: how old is jule?
Phil: 17 this year. why?
Wev: just asking
Phil: okay, i gotta go. i have school tomorrow. :) something i do go to when i feel like it
Wev: hahahahahahaha. rofl. you go to school?
Phil: stfu. i do. whatever. bye. call me tomorrow. or whenever
Wev: dont you want me to wish you goodnight and give you a kiss over the phone?
Phil: potong stim!
Wev: your smart. so okay. go sleep. selamat malam missus
Phil: potong stim!
Wev: ok ok ok. sorry la! allaa, you ah, damn sombong now. wonder why? maybe it was my absence
Phil: oh please. save yourself! BYE. no more messaging you. bf gonna panggil now!
Wev: bf more impt? fine. bye girl


* He was decent enough to send me the email which contained this. i guess he saved his sent and inbox that day. So ashton, a guy i hardly know has invited me to his wedding. pfft. catch me going :) *



______________________________________________________________


The stupid nonsensical conversations i have with you
The arguments that turn into bare reminders of what we used to be
I'm glad i walked out



I cried a little the day he hugged me. Deep down i knew that he loved me with everything that was in him. I knew that i hurt him. And that's why it had to end. It was an overwhelming feeling that washed every part of me.. I was glad that i was being held onto, i was glad that someone else besides myself depended on me. After a really long time, things turned the other way around. But things are not the same anymore.


Because you left me out in the cold, rain pouring down hard. My throbbing head has given up. For all i know, i could be dying of an aneurism. I'm feeling that feeling. That feeling that you get when you've lost something you once loved with everything that made you up. Its when you cant breathe without that person. When your heart tenses and ceases just for a moment while your brain processes the loss. I know, people have told me. Eventually you get over it. But i haven't.


Today. Today's not the first day. Neither is it the second. Doubt it'll be the last.
I was never a cold selfless bitch. Once upon a time. I was nice, pleasant, sweet, generous and extravagant.
I'm a very patient person. I am willing to wait out almost anything and everything. In times of despair i function the most.


You eventually tell me that everything's going to be okay. I continue to argue with you wondering why you never have anything better to say. Or how unoriginal you can be. But sometimes, i am so thankful that you say that. Sometimes, it sounds most convincing and best coming from you. I know it shoudn't be like this. I know that we shouldn't have to argue over bullshit like this. But i do. I do it, cause i need to know how you feel deep down inside, to me. Its important.


My *make no sense* moments to you. Are bizarre for you. Estranged by nothing else but me. You clearly want to understand me. You clearly want to make things right for us.


I look at you. Tears welling up in my eyes. Burdens weigh down my shoulders. You stand there looking at me like i'm the biggest joke in the world. That suddenly i'll turn around and smile, and then we'll go about our usual business. And that'll be the end of this little traumatic experience for you. I weakly grab you closer. Hugging you, you arms still by your side as i stroke your back. You're tee shirt has never felt so silky. It then strikes you that i'm for real. That i'm actually going through this. That i'm not even half heartedly joking. You hug me. Kissing my forehead. Fear consumes you as you realize i'm letting go ever so slowly. You whisper into my ear "Not yet honey, Don't let go. I'm still hanging on."


How uplifting is that. For a boy, a man, the man you love the most whisper that into your left ear and then lightly and gently revenue his most disgusting habit. He licks your ear. Encouragingly you hang on. To every bit of thread that is stuck onto his body right now, afraid that if you let go, everything will slowly and whiskly start to fade. He blows a kiss in the air, and says a short prayer for our relationship. He lets go and pushes what now seems miles away from me, but is merely just a foot away. He looks at me, with his stupid banana pasted smile. I smile back, tears streaming down my face. Me in a cruddy tee shirt that's crumpled at its rims saying " You dont have to say a word anymore, i know what you've got ". Him in slacks, and a brand new ironed t-shirt that i remember ironing before going to bed last night. His new puma shoes looking as sleek as ever on him.


I know he can pull of wearing anything and everything. Even if its a sock. You gently wipe away a tear, and kiss it on your finger, and then wipe it off on you're jeans. I look in shock as you. I know how much pride you take in your clothes. I know how upset you get even if water is accidentally poured down your clothes. I remember the time you yelled at me after i came crying to you, and you were wearing your favourite shirt about to go out to see your boys. But this time. You did it. You wiped away my tear on your jeans. Without the smirk in your smile. You lean down low, and gaze into my eyes. " I love you baby, I wont ever go a day without you ever again. " And you kiss me.


I remember the day i sent you that message which clearly stated my feelings.
" I think about you all the time. Before deciding anything, i think about what you would say or think. Whenever we took a momentary break i couldn't do things because i knew i didn't have you. Its the littlest things that tick me off, but also the littlest things that make me fall in love with you more. I dont have to think twice each time i say i love you, because its in me to love you. "
This was after you asked me if i JUST loved you. I got so pissed off with myself. For not making it abundantly clear that i love you with every inch of me.
You're response. I Love You Sweetheart. Kisses.
I was in shock. That you didn't question me further. I was ready to break out into a fight with you over something as dumb as this.
But you didn't question. You accepted it. You acknowledged it. You knew it.


It strikes me every now and again, why you used to ask me to find someone better. Every now and again, i find myself re-reading your messages.
Every now and again, i find myself thinking about our first kiss.


But now.. We have so much more to look forward to.
We're here. In this fabulous restaurant, eating the most fanciest food.
You slip past the waiter, and ask for another bottle of wine. I wonder why your drinking wine. Usually its whiskey on the rocks. Or a plain bottle of beer. But tonight you have picked a wine of my choice, and for once you're enjoying the drink as it is. And you're not insulting or complaining about my choice.
After the lobster and salmon is served. You pass me a bag. You tell me to take it home with me tonight.
My imagination ran wild. I desperately tried to tear open the colourfully wrapped bag. You gently place you're hand on top of mine. On top of you're hand you're balancing a ring.
A pink diamond ring, with engraved words by the side.


I gasp in shock. Unsure of what to say, or what to do.
You take my left hand. You place the ring in place. You smile ever so sweetly.
"It fits baby"
I stare at my finger, tears build up.
" Marry me, Please. Just do. Tell me you'll marry me. "
I nod knowingly.
You get up, and walk towards me, you stand me up. You place you're hands around my hips. You kiss me. A passionate, raw kiss.
You know everyone in the room is looking at us. And you couldn't care less.


So here I am.
Married.
Writing this out of love
Out of compassion
Out of everything that i was taught as a child to show as affection



edit:

You can have your fairytale ending, as long as it ends by midnight and you return the crystal glass shoes that look dazzling on your feet.



listening to: Colby O'Donis - What you got



feeling: Loved



obsession: cough mixture



Nothing has looked better <3