Laguna - Part 1

at 10 degrees things couldnt get any worse
she stepped out onto the pavement
her feet bare, the pavement, cool. the gushes of heat from her body left through her feet, and begun from the head.
she'd been gone 25 days, and her name appeared everywhere.
broadway was so close, but she was so far behind in personality.
her adventure to find herself was obviously not working out very well.
she felt the earth rise up beneath her.
she felt the crisp of leaves on the tree fall as she made her way down the street.
staring blankly at her feet, looking out for other people's inhumane feet, and hoping that she would find some luck, and maybe bump into someone she might know.
she stopped. mid way. mid thought. all of a sudden. she looked into the store.
it was a grocery store. and elderly lady ran the store. she was by the cashier helping a customer pack his stuff in a paper bag.
her pace was slow and steady.
it was then that it struck her that one day she would turn out like that.
not far behind was a past that she will never forget.
something that was unchangeable.
no matter how many times she washed herself clean with the uncountable number of scented smelling soaps. she couldn't get the unforseen dirt off her body.
her ammicable differences between justice and paralegal justice was something that could barely been said.
she stood on her own.
with her own two feet.
shoulders attatched or not was a different case.
her dress, which was now a shade of grey. from off white. to a light shade of grey, it showed in every way that she had been unkept, and properly disshelved.
she lowered her head, and peeped in through the glass window, to take a closer look at what she might get out of the store.
she saw rows and rows of food stuff.
from canned goods, to local and imported crispies, to the special of the day, to the fridge's at the far back which contained from canned drinks, to cartoned drinks, to fizzy drinks, to juices, and punches, and the endless amount of beer, and the small bottles of gin, that were frozen. which presumeably sold well.
she stood out from the crowd.
she was barefoot.
with a knapsack on her back. which contained numerous pack of ciggarettes, and her vicodine bottle, and a lighter, and an empty bottle of vodka.
how she walked around drunk, and managed to get through the day was truly amazing.
how she started off with a mint in the morning, and ending it with a ciggarette at night.
she never really knew how to live normal
coming from a broken family, that barely knew her.
she was once upon a time, best friends with her dad. they were inseperable
she focused all her work on getting her dad happy.
once she graduated from school, and gotten the results that could potentially make her dad cry, because that's how good she did.
she looked up to him for almost anything
as disturbing as it was to him to know that his daughter was never going to be happy. he tried his best feeding her with everything she wanted. it would make her happy for that moment. then it would all be gone.
his shoes had been left at home one day, but he wasn't there. she searched every inch of the house and went into town to look. no one had seen him go.
he wrote to her 2 days later, saying that him going would make her happy.
she lost it within herself. she could no longer function properly.
she completely and utterly disturbed. yet somehow, she managed to collect herself enough cash to get away from home.
so she travelled. she travelled down the shores to auckland, then she flew to new york, and that's when she discovered it was the place to be.
happiness was bound to be found here. she could surely go somewhere and find something to do. but for the past 25 days. that didn't seem true. she didn't think she could do it all on her own and go on living this life.
she missed her father dearly. and everytime she thought about him it brought a tear to his eye. not knowing where he was and how he was doing and whether or not he was okay really upset her.
she had been the one over the past couple of years that took care of him, that stood by his side and reminded him everyday that they were to live for each other.
but then. he just left.
with no sign whatsoever.
it was all gone.