: The life you lead is not what you may be without something that holds you up. What holds me up is school :I was up at 7am. Playing with Julian's MAC BOOK AIR. I envy him. but oh well. i know i can use it whenever i want toooooooo :)
My throat was killing me last night. And that's why i ended up sleeping at like 3 in the afternoon or something. And i woke up at 10. Had dinner. and then......i stayed awake till 1:15. and finally fell back asleep and woke up at 6:30 to take my medications.
So basically. To me. I have not slept at all. To everybody else i've slept too much.
Pfft. Whatever losers, you just jealous cause i can sleep that much.
But you're prolly going wtf at this exact moment. But i forgot to tell you the most vital part of it all
I took 40mL of cough mixture alone yesterday. seriously.
I know i'm like this massive junkie. But oh well. Whatever that gets you to bed after you're half stoned, and you're body is numb to the fact that you can no longer function properly after 3 in the afternoon.
I'm picking out baby names :)
more specific. Baby boy names.
In case you havent heard. My chickadee and i are pregnant ballerina's!
Adalfredo
Adelchi
Affiano
Aleandro
Angelo
Danilo
Dante
Alphonse
Ames
Anatole
Ancelin
Andre
Ansel
Antoine
Anton
Arkansas
Armand
Macon
Mael
Maine
Marc
Marcel
Marshall
Marvel
Mason
Mathis
Pascal
Pepin
Percival
Percy
Pierre
Pooky
William
Henry
Lochlan
so basically those are just SOME of the names that i could name my baby. Lochlan is by far my favourite. Dont ask why. Oh well. Good luck to me
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When you're standing in a room filled with people you hardly know. And you've been accompanied by someone who knows all these people. As you make you're way around the room, holding onto what seems to be the only glim of light, and as you meet new people, to who you're person knows as what is called family. You wonder how you would ever fit in to a family as such. You stand there, gazing at the person opposite you, trying to size up character. Tall, blonde, beautiful, elegant, sleek and best of all nice. Then you move on, to a grubby old man, to who you're person may often refer to as father. Middle sized, not overweight, loosing hair, wealthy and best of all nice. You weave you're way around every other person now to get directly across the room where his beloved sister is standing with her oh so gorgeous and perfect looking boyfriend. You're acquaintance with her was pleasant and brief. She's a little taller then you, she's a lot prettier than you, she is somehow perfect in you're eyes. And a little part of you is stuck with envying her throughout the night.
As the night grows old, you meet more and more people. More and more faces that you will eventually have to get to know. And more and more hugs that you may have to give out. The final person you met was something he calls his grandmother. And that's when it hit you. You're marrying this guy. And soon enough, all these people are going to be what you can now officially call "familia". His grandmother is a little short, you're guessing that age has caught up to her, and that she may just be a little too old for you're liking. Short or not, she was the best. She talked to you like her very own child, and touched you and commented you like she would to any other granddaughter. She commented on you're waist size. You're built up. You're gorgeous long legs which apparently were you're most striking feature. You're beautiful long lashes. You're black yet a tinge of brown in you're long hair. And of course. You're luscious lips that have hit her grandson's lips just over a gazillion times. Before departing from her presence. You lean down to give her a hug. She hugs you and whispers into your ear. "I know you'll be perfect for him." A tear builds up in your eye, as you try to fight the urge not to look weak, but to be strong and accept that compliment. You let go of her small manure, and take a good look at her, and smile weakly at her, and then walk away.
As you're walking away, you squeeze his hand just a little too tight, and he secures you're hand in his, trying to reassure you that it all went well. As he picks the gaze of some men in the room as we walk past, and as they eye me like i'm the only rose in the room. You settle on the fact that you're the third person in the room. You're the only person in the room that does not fit in And that's why you're officially the Third Person. The strange spark that ignites in you as his best friend and most probably soon to be best man walks up to you and hugs you, and tries to hold on a little too long. Is it because that he's amazingly hot, or is it just the fact that he's interested in you, and you cant return the favor.
You dont look at other men anymore. You're settled with the one you have. You're set for life. And you can no longer look at celebrity couples and envy them because you want a perfect marriage, and in order to get to that level. You're going to have to look on the bright side.
You're custard on the kitchen table is slowly melting away. He's in the other room. Watching footie. While you're glued to this kitchen chair, just starring at him. You've always liked looking at him from a distance. He has this demeanour in him that is so enthralling that you're indefinitely drawn to. You take a teaspoon of it, and gulp it down like its medicine. Both you and him know that you have perfected the art of making caramel custard that he apparently loves more than any other food on the planet, with the inclusion that yours is the best. You know it's not to burned, not too sweet. And got just the right amount of caramel topping to make the best custard.It doesn't have to much milk or eggs in it. Has no raw smell of anything but sugar and calories.
You perfect everything you do. You're cooking skills have improved tremendously since you've met him. He's always wanted perfection. And soon enough, you were able to give him that.
You dont have to be perfect just cause someone else said you weren't good enough for him. As long as he is content with what you give him, you have nothing to be worried about. You have the burden of planning this wedding all by yourself. Not wanting you're mother's opinion and having to spend most probably soon enough every waking moment with you're soon to be mother in law. I dread the fact that i have to go through this without some of the best people in my life. I know that they'll be there on th day itself. But what i need is right now.
The dream of your perfect wedding is about to come true. From the place covered in the most beautiful white roses, to the white gold wedding ring, and the Neil Lane jewellery, the grand dinner that's in the setting of my preference. And the guest list which i am totally deciding.
You have cold feet already. From the thought of spending the rest of your life with this one man. But you told yourself why not when you accepted the offer. You dont just back out now.
Marriage is not a bond you can break just cause you feel like it. It's something that you clearly thought about. I'm glad i'm going through this with you. It's something that we both need!
edit:
I no longer have to pretend that i'm fine. Cause you know me inside out, and you know when i'm not okay, and when i am. I love waking up to you by my side, and smelling you in after you're shower.
listening to: Simple Plan - You're love is just a lie
feeling: numb
craving: angelic beauty sleep
You're love is all that i want <3
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