You're It

your way out of reach now. because. you're no longer here. you were here. for the past year. since that very moment. when i told you. you confessed, much later, but you still did. so i took a step, i took a very bold step, i told you i wanted to see you, i told you i wanted to go out with you, i told you what i felt. embaressed to the core. let down a zillion times. i was willing to give it all to you.


you looked different. you looked estranged from one another. shocked. upset. confused. i couldn't tell by your facial expression. knowing that you still had her at the back of your mind. knowing that i was taking a chance. knowing i was about to fall so hard and so far back. i took that chance with you. i glanced over at you, for a brief moment. and you let out the sweetest smile. i could feel my knees go weak, i could picture that moment where you would reach out to me and kiss me so softly that i would wonder whether you did or not. i could feel my heart race as your smile glowed against the sunlight. a picture perfect moment for any girl.



you didnt. you didnt save me from my fall. you didnt let my soul at ease, you let me go crazy instead, wondering whether or not you still loved her. wondering whether you would run back to her and take her back. you led me on. that i wanted to believe in that magical day that you wouldn't and that you would pick me over her. that you would want more of me than her. you're history with her i would never know the extent of.



you amaze me. with your level of understanding. and at times. i wonder whether or not its all for me. when you were with her, i craved for you. not utterly, but that slight hint of craving that would awe struck me when i thought about you in the middle of class. i have never actually spent time with you. actual time. that would benefit us both. but the glint in you're eye. the smile that glows with the lasting impression of the sun.



i cant say "i love you". i can say "i like you" but not the love word. i haven't found myself at the point where i pine for you. i can see myself with you. vividly. i wonder whether you think of me before you go to sleep. i wonder whether you want me as badly as you wanted her. you shall be the footstep of an unforgotten memory. i shall lower my head in the presence of you. you status has a section itself. i can never measure up to that.




the aura or your sensuality is so mind blowing. the speeches. the self-declaration. the way you say "i'm the guy for you" in such a subtle way. knowing that i have been way over my head for the past 2 months, blowing away my fears with a flinch. prone to danger zones in the end, knowing that this can all fall away with a slight change of attitude. the distance. the little hours. all of it adds up. what will you be when you come back? what will i be when i see you.



i will be the same girl you met not too long ago. falling deeper and harder for you each time i serenade your name in my head. i'm fickle when it comes to you. i cant decide whether i should continue with this. i cant see myself holding out a rose to you after your show. but i can see myself holding your hand and talking to you. hugging you and looking up to you, and longing to spend just a few more hours with you. savor the moment i had with you. endlessly. i wince when i think of you holding me.



reading at what she has to say about you. the thought of you saying "i never stop loving you to her". i cant see myself now. no not now. where can i ever be in your life? she's all for you. what am i compared to her? nothing. zilch. nothing. would i ever be called "your girlfriend".



i looked over my shoulder. and saw my phone. it shone bright in the dark lit room i am sitting in once again. message tone rang. i reached over. grabbed it. and read the message. "You free sunday?". A thought ran through my head. even as i tried to avoid the inevitable, even as i tried to tell myself it was never going to happen. I find myself thinking of you. maybe all the time. maybe not. matter of fact is that you're still in my head.


i think very clear when it comes to you. right now. everything else is blurr-ed out! i can be anything you want me to be. and something a million times better than her. i assure you. get with me. and you'll see the sun out of the storms you've had with her.

from all the. if you were with me now. to the room thought. its only with you. knowing that you were true. and you've been true. and that you will probably be true is a great thing to think about! what i experience with you. i doubt i can experience with anyone else. after months 2 months. maybe 3. if you were a distant memory. i wouldn't have just had that conversation with you. if you were something i chose to push aside, i wouldn't have stooped down to the level of where i could barely even murmur 'i miss you'. i dont want you to have an alter ego when it comes to me. i dont want you to have a hidden identity. as painful as it is for you to let go of her. i think you have. we may have lust. we may have temptation. but i'm hell as glad that you've put her behind you, and that you can finally move on. as soon as i figure out my bearings with you, as soon as i've been in that room with you alone. we can walk out a new hand in hand and proud of what we have accomplished!

_________________________________________________________________

Things to do today:
1) Get Up
2) Survive
3) Go Back To Bed



i've decided to live life on a day to day basis
and oh well
we'll see how that goes :)



edit: I'm all for you now!


listening to: Cartel - Runaway


obsession: Rain


feeling: Moody


craving: Alcohol






I Love You More Than Anything In This World <3