I gulp down every last pill in the bottle.
The bottle now empty,
i wonder why i did it for you?
The scars beneath my shirt are crying out in pain,
yet i dont attend to it.
The blade as slick as a cat,
it cut me right open.
And how do you repay for that?
By telling me i'm not good enough
By telling me i'm useless
By telling me i'm stupid!
The blood stains soak up my shirt.
I freeze and trace back my steps.
I yelled.
I sweared.
I screamed.
I wailed.
But none with you.
I've never shown you that i hurt too,
i've never shown you that i bleed too,
i never show you that i am internally bleeding and heave out tears for you.
All for you
None for me
The fights
The tantrums
The uberpainful words that you utter
The dumb responses
The late night hang up's
All
Have a grip on me
The cure to living is by not breathing you in
Raging hormones, and insensual needs.
It all boils down to the way you treat me.
The way you bite me bitter.
My delirious side takes over.
And for a brief second i believe all can be perfect with you.
Reality the kicks in.
And i gulp down another 10 pills.
Why isn't it effective enough?
Do i need more?
Do i need more cuts to be able to deal with the situation?
Does blood need to flow to show you i love you?
In my mind i tell myself to fight the pain.
I tell myself it will all be worth it.
I tell myself that you will change one day.
That one day never comes.
That one day will never show.
The one day wont be soon enough.
It's a disease.
In which i suffer from.
The cure.
Pain.
Eternal, Endless Pain.
The numbness sets in.
My body becomes rigid.
The fact that i'm unable to move a limb seems to bring pleasure to me.
All your death threats.
All your false accusations of how i dont have guts to do so.
Well. I've done it tonight
Just to prove you wrong.
With the water running, and as nausea steps in.
I feel like throwing up all my feelings for you.
The pills have had no effect.
I choose not to succumb to happiness tonight.
I chose not to listen to you tonight.
The side effects of biterness is the sweetness of what comes next to life.
Though you may not see that you're the one i relied on.
I hope you know that i did fall in love with you
And that i chose to stay with you
Because i believed in you
All those wasted nights i decided i would do everything
Well, they never did work.
And all i did was.
Lie to myself.
And made myself believe in something that was never going to happen.
I force myself not to cry.
I force myself not to call you
I force myself not to think that you're the one.
Yet,
You still are!
Wherever you go in life,
I hope you know that i hurt myself most for you.
I might not have said it to you ever.
But i do love you.
And falling in love with you was the most painful thing to do.
But i'm glad it ends soon.
edit: I still need you. Like i did 35 days ago.
listening to: Jamie Scott - Made
reading: blank pages
obsession: nothing
feeling: numb
craving: life
We've taken pills, yet i'm still contemplating death <3
The bottle now empty,
i wonder why i did it for you?
The scars beneath my shirt are crying out in pain,
yet i dont attend to it.
The blade as slick as a cat,
it cut me right open.
And how do you repay for that?
By telling me i'm not good enough
By telling me i'm useless
By telling me i'm stupid!
The blood stains soak up my shirt.
I freeze and trace back my steps.
I yelled.
I sweared.
I screamed.
I wailed.
But none with you.
I've never shown you that i hurt too,
i've never shown you that i bleed too,
i never show you that i am internally bleeding and heave out tears for you.
All for you
None for me
The fights
The tantrums
The uberpainful words that you utter
The dumb responses
The late night hang up's
All
Have a grip on me
The cure to living is by not breathing you in
Raging hormones, and insensual needs.
It all boils down to the way you treat me.
The way you bite me bitter.
My delirious side takes over.
And for a brief second i believe all can be perfect with you.
Reality the kicks in.
And i gulp down another 10 pills.
Why isn't it effective enough?
Do i need more?
Do i need more cuts to be able to deal with the situation?
Does blood need to flow to show you i love you?
In my mind i tell myself to fight the pain.
I tell myself it will all be worth it.
I tell myself that you will change one day.
That one day never comes.
That one day will never show.
The one day wont be soon enough.
It's a disease.
In which i suffer from.
The cure.
Pain.
Eternal, Endless Pain.
The numbness sets in.
My body becomes rigid.
The fact that i'm unable to move a limb seems to bring pleasure to me.
All your death threats.
All your false accusations of how i dont have guts to do so.
Well. I've done it tonight
Just to prove you wrong.
With the water running, and as nausea steps in.
I feel like throwing up all my feelings for you.
The pills have had no effect.
I choose not to succumb to happiness tonight.
I chose not to listen to you tonight.
The side effects of biterness is the sweetness of what comes next to life.
Though you may not see that you're the one i relied on.
I hope you know that i did fall in love with you
And that i chose to stay with you
Because i believed in you
All those wasted nights i decided i would do everything
Well, they never did work.
And all i did was.
Lie to myself.
And made myself believe in something that was never going to happen.
I force myself not to cry.
I force myself not to call you
I force myself not to think that you're the one.
Yet,
You still are!
Wherever you go in life,
I hope you know that i hurt myself most for you.
I might not have said it to you ever.
But i do love you.
And falling in love with you was the most painful thing to do.
But i'm glad it ends soon.
edit: I still need you. Like i did 35 days ago.
listening to: Jamie Scott - Made
reading: blank pages
obsession: nothing
feeling: numb
craving: life
We've taken pills, yet i'm still contemplating death <3
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