Friday, May 2, 2008

Wreck

Usually. I think of what to say in my blog posts. And i roughly depicite a picture the night before. But that wasn't the case last night. Funny enough?


I've just lost a
bestfriend and just maybe a boyfriend

Oh yes. Please. Save the OMG. what happened. and. please tell me about it. or. are you okay?. or. you deserve so much better.
Trust me. I've heard ALL of this already


so here's my story
and after the story. i shall leave. and really. this time when i say i wont be blogging for a while. i literally mean it!


_____________________________________________________________



There are times in your life where you laugh heartily cause of something funny, and there are other times you laugh just to hide your disappointment.
There are times in your life where you cry cause something drastic happened , and there are other times when you simply look yourself in the mirror and cry.
Point is, sometimes your fake.



Frankly. Honestly.
I'm a terrible girlfriend. I either never saw the boy enough. Or never had time for him. Or picked my friends over him. So yeah. Get the picture? So that's why relationships for me always had a strain. But by far, the past one was the most strenuous. More for him then me.


So i'm in the wrong this time. I'm in the utter wrong this time. Because of my behaviour and attitude, i landed myself a piece of cake that i should eat straight away, and still be able to smile after that. Oh yes. I did smile. I smiled alot indeed. And then. I cried. Cried alot more than anything else. I screamed a little. Threw things around a little. But yeah. Cried alot.


So i dont blame him. I have blamed him occasionally. And then taken it back straight away. And i've apologized profusely but that never seemed to work. So. I'm to blame. And i'm at fault. And if sympathy comes from you readers out there. It should only be for this substantial reason. It's because you feel sorry that i just lost someone i loved the most. Ever. And because you would prolly think i was great at being a girlfriend.



I dont find the need to explain myself to anyone but him. But acceptance speeches and moroseful speeches shall be saved for the latter, for the mere fact that he did not need to hear it last night.


So that's the boyfriend issue. There's alot more to it. Beneath the surface which i obviously am not going to disclose on my blog. But for me to even be talking about it in this manner is amazing. So compliment me for that would you. Hugs and I'm sorry for you is allowed. But you know. Not from cows or dumb shits. And also. I need the time, space and air for myself right now. Because i am not going to pretend that everything is fine.



I leave you with that.



edit:

My substantial and indiscreet behaviour has landed me the biggest piece of bullshit in my life. I have never felt worse. And i have never cried so much. Oh well. That's what you do out of love right?



listening to: nothing



feeling: you dont have to know.



craving: nothing





Oh how perfect can may get? <3

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