She listened to the same old songs
and felt the same old feelings.
She walked down the same road of memory lane
for one more time.
She put away all god forbidden memories of him into a box.
She taped the box.
And set it on the last rack in the attic.
Having to draw her last breath of his smell.
Or the last look at the sight of his clothes in the closet was more than enough to kill her spirits.
As she closes the door to walk down the hallway to the entrance of their grand bedroom.
She has flashbacks of the fights they used to have.
The moments that begun their relationship.
She remembered the time he threw water at her out of fun.
But how she took it so seriously
And she was mad at him for days
But now it all seemed senseless.
She remembered the time they used to hang on the phone for hours every night
And how they would fight over the phone.
She got easily upset those days.
She didn't know why he behaved so odd
She remembered two nights in particular.
The night she told him she wasn't sure if the love she had for him was enough.
And the night she told him how she really felt.
He wasn't the guy who would sit there and listen to your problems.
He was the fun boyfriend.
He was the over protective, sweet, generous, loving, caring, needy boyfriend.
But on those two nights.
She just needed someone who would listen to her problems.
And he wasn't doing that.
The night that she told him that what she had might not be enough for him didn't turn out as sweet as pie.
She regretted telling him for the next two days to come.
The conversations they had over the next two days were tense and unseemingly tough to have.
The voices in her head told her to walk away.
But he had done so much for her, and proven so much to her.
Not only did she not have the heart to leave him, but she also wanted to love him.
She needed to love him
Part of an obligation was the right side up of her deal right now.
So he was caring enough to give her a period of time for her to prove her love to him
So she worked on it.
Not day in day out.
But the times they were on the phone together, or texting, or chatting.
Whatever form of communication.
* Even if it was through friends*
He eventually did come around and realize that she was trying.
Or at least she thought so.
So she was content for the moment.
The other big drama that occured in their relationship was when she subtly told him the way she felt. One night.
She told him that she felt useless, and ignored, and pampered, yet spoilt and somehow an utter bitch to him.
It was that night.
She truly realized his true colors.
His response to after about a ten minute nag of how she felt.
He turned around and said.
"Do you want to break up?"
Her heart broke.
Into a million shattered pieces that were stomped on by the passing entourage.
And she felt as though she was talking to a wall.
And that he was completely oblivious to what she had to say.
They made up and forgave each other and said their countless sorry's on the same conversation.
So it didn't bug her too much.
Or at least she thought it hadn't.
Waking up the next morning.
She randomly searched the room for him.
Forgetting the fact that they hadn't lived together.
Not yet at least!
As she panicked and paced around her room looking for him
She broke down into hard sobs that didn't seem to flow as normal.
She heaved her tears, and screamed his name hoping that his face would show at the corner of the room.
He hadn't. He didn't. He wouldn't.
Her phone rang. And it was him.
She lowered her breath, walked normally to her cell phone.
Picked it up. and in almost a normal tone said.
" Hi baby"
She hadn't told him what she dreamt about the previous night. She was afraid of his unassuring words.
Or his harsh presence would just lead her down the ditch yet again!
She hadn't told him that she searched the room for him or that she broke down into tears just to find his face.
She didn't need to.
She didn't want to.
He was never going to find out, and that was just the way it was kept.
Through all the nights that came.
She quietly pictured them in this big house.
That they now had once lived in.
And she imagined how perfect life would be.
She persevered in their relationship, and did almost anything to keep him happy!
She wasn't afraid of the wrath of death when she was around him.
Somehow, she lived an imaginary fairytale with him.
The depth of his love,and sorrow and pain had gotten to her over the passing months.
Her life had skipped a few chapters after she came about.
She barely remembered anything that had nothing to do with him.
But she wasn't so sure that it was the exact same thing for him
She quietly wished it was as hers.
The broken tint in her voice.
And the sorrow in her tears was not heard by anyone.
Not even him.
She pretended to be happy go lucky in front of her friends.
And imagined that they would never find out how much she had to go through for him.
But the day had come.
The day she never thought would make its appearence.
Here she was.
In her mini-skirt and her favorite sweater and her toe stockings on her carpeted floor of the house she had finally owned.
Alone
Bare
Single
Lonesome.
She hadn't called Grace or Tom to tell them
She didn't need the company
Not for a little longer.
All the rooms in the house.
All the steps in her house.
Had reminded her of him.
Everything
Every turn
Every bob
She no longer needed pictures to see his face.
She no longer needed his voice to hear him
The flashbacks did it for her.
Mind you, she had all their photos framed.Still framed
All his important numbers still stuck on that grubby piece of paper with a country magnet on the fridge.
She didn't want to cleanse this feeling from her.
She needed to loathe a little longer.
The man for her,
the love for her,
the one for her.
No longer.
She hated him.
15% of the time. She hated him
But the rest of the time.
She loved him.
She had no other feeling for any other guy.
and felt the same old feelings.
She walked down the same road of memory lane
for one more time.
She put away all god forbidden memories of him into a box.
She taped the box.
And set it on the last rack in the attic.
Having to draw her last breath of his smell.
Or the last look at the sight of his clothes in the closet was more than enough to kill her spirits.
As she closes the door to walk down the hallway to the entrance of their grand bedroom.
She has flashbacks of the fights they used to have.
The moments that begun their relationship.
She remembered the time he threw water at her out of fun.
But how she took it so seriously
And she was mad at him for days
But now it all seemed senseless.
She remembered the time they used to hang on the phone for hours every night
And how they would fight over the phone.
She got easily upset those days.
She didn't know why he behaved so odd
She remembered two nights in particular.
The night she told him she wasn't sure if the love she had for him was enough.
And the night she told him how she really felt.
He wasn't the guy who would sit there and listen to your problems.
He was the fun boyfriend.
He was the over protective, sweet, generous, loving, caring, needy boyfriend.
But on those two nights.
She just needed someone who would listen to her problems.
And he wasn't doing that.
The night that she told him that what she had might not be enough for him didn't turn out as sweet as pie.
She regretted telling him for the next two days to come.
The conversations they had over the next two days were tense and unseemingly tough to have.
The voices in her head told her to walk away.
But he had done so much for her, and proven so much to her.
Not only did she not have the heart to leave him, but she also wanted to love him.
She needed to love him
Part of an obligation was the right side up of her deal right now.
So he was caring enough to give her a period of time for her to prove her love to him
So she worked on it.
Not day in day out.
But the times they were on the phone together, or texting, or chatting.
Whatever form of communication.
* Even if it was through friends*
He eventually did come around and realize that she was trying.
Or at least she thought so.
So she was content for the moment.
The other big drama that occured in their relationship was when she subtly told him the way she felt. One night.
She told him that she felt useless, and ignored, and pampered, yet spoilt and somehow an utter bitch to him.
It was that night.
She truly realized his true colors.
His response to after about a ten minute nag of how she felt.
He turned around and said.
"Do you want to break up?"
Her heart broke.
Into a million shattered pieces that were stomped on by the passing entourage.
And she felt as though she was talking to a wall.
And that he was completely oblivious to what she had to say.
They made up and forgave each other and said their countless sorry's on the same conversation.
So it didn't bug her too much.
Or at least she thought it hadn't.
Waking up the next morning.
She randomly searched the room for him.
Forgetting the fact that they hadn't lived together.
Not yet at least!
As she panicked and paced around her room looking for him
She broke down into hard sobs that didn't seem to flow as normal.
She heaved her tears, and screamed his name hoping that his face would show at the corner of the room.
He hadn't. He didn't. He wouldn't.
Her phone rang. And it was him.
She lowered her breath, walked normally to her cell phone.
Picked it up. and in almost a normal tone said.
" Hi baby"
She hadn't told him what she dreamt about the previous night. She was afraid of his unassuring words.
Or his harsh presence would just lead her down the ditch yet again!
She hadn't told him that she searched the room for him or that she broke down into tears just to find his face.
She didn't need to.
She didn't want to.
He was never going to find out, and that was just the way it was kept.
Through all the nights that came.
She quietly pictured them in this big house.
That they now had once lived in.
And she imagined how perfect life would be.
She persevered in their relationship, and did almost anything to keep him happy!
She wasn't afraid of the wrath of death when she was around him.
Somehow, she lived an imaginary fairytale with him.
The depth of his love,and sorrow and pain had gotten to her over the passing months.
Her life had skipped a few chapters after she came about.
She barely remembered anything that had nothing to do with him.
But she wasn't so sure that it was the exact same thing for him
She quietly wished it was as hers.
The broken tint in her voice.
And the sorrow in her tears was not heard by anyone.
Not even him.
She pretended to be happy go lucky in front of her friends.
And imagined that they would never find out how much she had to go through for him.
But the day had come.
The day she never thought would make its appearence.
Here she was.
In her mini-skirt and her favorite sweater and her toe stockings on her carpeted floor of the house she had finally owned.
Alone
Bare
Single
Lonesome.
She hadn't called Grace or Tom to tell them
She didn't need the company
Not for a little longer.
All the rooms in the house.
All the steps in her house.
Had reminded her of him.
Everything
Every turn
Every bob
She no longer needed pictures to see his face.
She no longer needed his voice to hear him
The flashbacks did it for her.
Mind you, she had all their photos framed.Still framed
All his important numbers still stuck on that grubby piece of paper with a country magnet on the fridge.
She didn't want to cleanse this feeling from her.
She needed to loathe a little longer.
The man for her,
the love for her,
the one for her.
No longer.
She hated him.
15% of the time. She hated him
But the rest of the time.
She loved him.
She had no other feeling for any other guy.
edit: Silently hoping and praying. This does not happen to us!
listening to: Sean Kingston - Take You There
feeling: sleepy
obsession: MATH
craving: Sushi!
PS: The survey is under *thursday march 6th 2008 called Girlsss*
All i have to give <3
listening to: Sean Kingston - Take You There
feeling: sleepy
obsession: MATH
craving: Sushi!
PS: The survey is under *thursday march 6th 2008 called Girlsss*
All i have to give <3
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