Presumptous

" My stupid fuck face was never meant for you. But. My pleasant adoring part of my side of my world of my life was totally meant for you. "

why are people so energetic at 5am on a saturday morning? damn.
i got woken up by julian because he wanted to go for a run.
and btw.
he didnt call to ask me if i wanted to go..

he just simply called
to tell me
he's going for a run
damnit!

that killed my mood to sleep
but anyways
i went back to sleep
:)
and i woke up at 7:10 to wake moni up!



anyways
i baked today
but gah! the cookies turned out to big :(
but whatever
it just means i can sell it for more cash $ :)
heh
im evil!




practice celibacy with me julian!
since julian is ultimately my favourite bastard in the world. but heh. he's not my person. so anways. since he's my favorite. he's agreed to let me experiment on him :) damn boy. you brave shit!



oh oh oh oh. john and i made a deal :)
he's totally gonna be my man if i go single after this relationship. which right now. im pretty hoping does not happen. he's gonna go all wtf on me if i wanna get with another guy. actually. i initiated the deal on myself. stay single and concentrate on o'levels. and fuck it. i hope it works but john is just gonna be my man!
so thank you john!



so unfortunately. i've deluded myself.
yet again
and told myself that i'm gonna be little miss sunshine this year
what bullshit crap
it has not happened so far
maybe besides for valentine's day

so what do i become this year?
fucky depressed chic
nahh uhh
i dont think thats gonna work for yet another year

fuck delusions and the well being to trick you






so i was standing in the middle of the oval
with a decision to make
the boy who took risks, or the guy who was most perfect for me.
i turned ninety degrees to my right and i find the risk taker. i turn a hundred and eighty degrees to the left and find the perfect one.
so i take a deep breath.
and walk straight ahead
leaving both behind
later
going
wtf to myself
for not picking one.
the flaws behind the risk taker was far to many
i cant handle yet another problem, again.
i need to start anew
and fresh
the perfect one had nothing wrong with him
well maybe he did
but i haven't found it yet
so i made the dumbest decision
to walk away from both

:S
what do i do now?



i wont fall apart
i wont segregate for the kazillionth time
and follow instinct
im wiser
im smarter
:)




some guys used to give me butterflies
and when i say that
i mean the type when you think their the one your gonna marry
and your ready to jump onto anything to do everything for them
but right now
i think i dont get that feeling anymore
and i guess i know why
cause i've matured out of that stage of puppy love
of maybe not




fuck i'm such a hypocrite
i swear.
i'm so dumb!
i've been eating chocolate like non-stop
dont worry john
i still HATE it 100%
just been eating it
cause its depressing cure food shit whatever
so.
sorry for being such a hypocrite.
but i'll stop
after tomorrow
and massively work out
to loose the millions of kg's i've probably put on




ok
i've gotta go make these posters
for
AL-JAZEERA BAKERY!
wooohooo
stupid fuck
-______-
it better do well
isra and i have invested so much time, money and energy into this booth
and i swear.
i'm gonna kill every single person that does not show up for shift!
no kidding guys!
okay
my blank threats may seem dumb now
but it will work!
okay
so yey for me
go make posters now




have a fucky week you guys
:)






i'm so demented i'm so negative



so
think positive!



Your twisted words, Your help just hurts You are not what I thought you were Hello to high and dry Convinced me to please you Made me think that I need this too I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

edit: make me hate you more bitch!







listening to: Sara Bareilles : Love Song





feeling: stupid







obsession: you!



The good shit can never come in small packages <3