Good Intentions

" I dont expect you to swing out of trees as and when i like, but please, commit to something with me and dont let our happy ending turn out to her ever ever after dream, as i have plans for you too "


I dont know why
But i've had no mood all day today.
For anything.
Even shopping.

i know i know. Shocking much.

I can somewhat relate to merideth
Cause i can be dark and twisty
and weird and not co-operative


So for the next three days.
I plan to be:
1) emotional
2) fucky
3) selfless
4) obsessive compulsive
5) freaky
6) twisted
7) crazy
8) weird
9) fanatical
10) high


I cant do little miss sunshine.
Cause i'm not cut out for crap like that.
I'm a girl with a tonne of problems
And i'm glad i'm like this.
Without problems and tragedies, i dont know where i would fit in this world.
I count my lucky stars, even when i'm unlucky.
How weird could that get?


I need to cry
And get high
and know that there will be someone, to catch up
arms wide open
heart filled with love
ready for me to fall
and to jump up and reach for me.
but where?
where do i find a person like that?
yes, a few in mind.
But, difference is.
That person cant have all those.
And if you do.
Really, you're amazing.


I cant wait for a sadder day. When the rain pours, and i'm out there with you. Bearing my heart and soul, and hoping you would flinch just an inch. Where you would hold me close and tell me it will be okay. Where i can breath in the freshness of your skin and know it will be okay. I need you to catch me, and just hold me, and hold my gaze while i stare into your eyes and just think of all the possibilities of us. Like how you held me that night. So close, yet so far. So tender yet so rough. How your voice sounded soothing, but i knew it was as harsh as ever. I need to live in a world, where time stops for me. Where you would notice me. Where you would give me the time of day. Where i would leap out and grab hold of you, while you embrace me and give me a bear hug. I need a world of my own. Where everything is perfect. Would you stand by me?


I need amazing
I need perfect
I need joy
I need wonder
I need to be happy
I need all this and so much more!


edit: i need to feel like a girl once again

listening to: switchfoot - awakening

feeling: bitchy



Bugger off to the side line and let me live for the last time <3

Chances

" I cant go on living my sadistic life without you noticing, so hurry up and give me the okay sign to cry and let me sigh with relief knowing that you approve "



Everyone's given chances to live life. It depends on how you want to live it
Deciding that you're going to be little miss sunshine tomorrow is a bit harsh, yet is something you should do if your little miss depressed now.
No such thing as living it twice.
Or repeating the moment
There will inevitably be a remarkable difference from the first and second try.


I need to breathe, a breath away from everything.
An actual breath where i dont have to think of what could possibly happen with you.
I dont want to have bittersweet memories with you.
I saw what you were like with her, and i dont want that.
I want something better, something alot more promising.
I might be asking for more, but it's something i need right now.
So give it to me straight, and dont make me believe that i can have everything and anything i want with you.
I go out late nights.
I hang around alot of guys.
I dont flirt
I dont cheat.
And for heaven's sake. Stop shutting me out of your life.
Friends we are. I'm ready to make you best friend status. Cause that's how much i think you're gentleman.
Let me look myself in the mirror and cry, and not look dumb for once.
Let me run the shower and just sit there and drink a bottle of vodka and think of you.
Let me smoke just to remember how good it felt.
High on a drug cant be as good as being friends with a person like you.
I need you to hold me.
And tell me things will be alright.
I want you to hold me in the middle of the room when i rip up everything that reminded me of anyone else.
I need you to need me.
I need you to love me.
I need you to want me.
I need you.
And i'm throwing myself out here, cause i need you to notice me
I think so much of what level we can get to.
Friendship. Is the limit. No relationship.
Bound to not work
But, i need you to stop the ex obsessions.
I need you to forget her.
I need you to focus on things you want to get done.
I need to spend time with you.
I cant replace her.
But i'm hell sure i can do alot more things for you and be there for you a million times more.
So. Decide.
Me or her?

Pick me
Choose me
Love me


I dont know what to do about us
We fight. Occasionally.
And when we do, i get hurt.
Im not really sure why, cause you say sorry a million times.
And at that time im like "yeah okay whatever move on" sorta things.
But now. I'm hurt.
Well i dont know. Cause it's hard.




edit: I cant help but think of you right now.

listening to: switchfoot - stars

feeling: mello


I want to make my friendships upon you right now dont let me change my mind <3

Commitment

I'm so weird. i've committed myself to everything
unfunny!

today was pretty relaxed.
i donno. i think it was
zuly came and picked me up @ 10:30.
we went curve.
ate @ paddington pancakes
then we went to buy cupcakes.
then we got super bored of the oh so quiet curve that we went to pavillion.
we wanted to go to the fish spa.
but then, the lady said it was ticklish.
and zuly decided against it, n also cause we were both wearing jeans.
so we went to several stores
and damn she's well known.
after shopping.
and choosing what she wanted.
she wanted to have the nasi lemak @ the food parlour
so we went.
and we ate.
haha.
im gonna become so fatty!
so after that we went starbucks.
and we sat there.
and she went online
lolz.
anyways.
it was a good day


ish
i got disturbed from blogging
cause amar called -_-
okay
ANYWAYS
i had a good day :)
and ill have a good week
so wish the lucky participant of hang balls good luck :)



loveeee
x



edit: im about to strip, can you handle me the way i are?

listening to: timbaland - the way i are.

feeling: good

You aint gotta flaunt for me, but wait, you already did <3

Headphones

" Do you feel as lost as i do right now? Good, cause i'm as lost as lost can be. So help me find my way back into your life! "







My poser side has yet to find a closing :)
forgive me would you!
<3
lovee
x

From The Outside

" As bitchy and outgoing as you may seem on the outside, you're a scared little duckling on the inside, serves you right bitchface "


Green. Is the New Love :) Officially. By me :)

You know how there is that one person that makes you feel better.
In everything and anything.
Yeah.
I found him :)
and
I love him :)

anyways.
James is diseased and nerdalicious :)
James Tan btw!
and james is my person for most things. but not all.
so whatever.

anyways.
tomorrow should be fun
im going out with zuly
and @ night. im going to see jenna!
yey!
:)


this was my post with words that made sense to my life :)


edit: Bugger off the side line and let me live for the last time!

listening to: blake lewis - break anotha

feeling: mello!


I'm feeling the Love All Around <3

Francisco

" I hate people who hate me, and therefore, i hate the ex girlfriend that could potentially ruin everything "





Happy go lucky does not suit me.
Promise.


Roses dangled from an angle
Interruptions no longer heard.
The faint sound of you stomping your feet while packing your case for the day.
The loud interventions of nothing at all
Disruptions of another dimension
Tangled up nights.
Intertwined feelings.
The pain, the reluctance, all gone.
Strains of back pulls that were once tempting.
Have now, been vanished.


The narcotics are wearing off.
And as i undress upon the floor tonight.
I notice the difference.
I was once filled.
And now, bare, empty, hollow.
With yet another tear to leap out of my eyes.
I miss the escapades.
And midnight calls.
The once clear vision of yet another dream to come true.
Bliss of all.
The bliss the elegance the treatment we had.
The perfect.
The undeniable
The distinguished.
And now.
The forgotten.


edit: i am as far in as i can get, and your still on the wall, looking down and wondering if you should take the jump.

listening to: Arctic Monkeys - A Certain Romance

feeling: restless




Take me as i am, for i have no fear tonight <3

Second Guess

I smell bubble gum

I want to dance in the rain.
With a pretty prom dress on.
And not worry of the aftermath.
I want to be so much more than you right now.
I might envy you.
But i hate you so much more.
Your not even a real person
you're so robotic.
its amazing.
as a girl.
you should have emotions
frankly. alot more than a guy
but i'm guessing you have none.
no compassion
nothing. zilch.

I just gave up on a friend.
A true friend.
And it hurt.
No matter how much i may hate him now
I know i will regret it later.

Its true.
I'm full of hatred and emo-ness right now.
But thats what i come with.
So
Deal with it.



This is from Grey's Anatomy:
It's what Derrek said to Merideth

You know what I talked about with the other Grey? All the things this Grey won't let me say.

I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you. I want to build us a house. I want to settle down and grow old with you. I want to die when I'm 110 years old, in your arms. I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime. Mmm. Do you see what happens? I say things like that and you fight the urge to run in the opposite direction. It's okay, I understand. I didn't, but now I do, I do. You're just getting started and I've been doing this for a long time now. Deep down, you're still an intern, and you're not ready.



edit: pick me, choose me, love me.

listening to: Carrie Underwood - Ever Ever After

feeling: drenched